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  1. Jimmy Clausen wears dark helmet visor to hide shiner, fight crime

    Nov 25, 2009, 10:00 AM EDT

    Mark Tuesday as the day that Jimmy Clausen turned to the Dark Side; he’s more machine now than man. Sad. We still don’t know which eye was blackened when he reportedly was sucker-punched outside of a South Bend bar at 2:30 a.m. on Saturday night, because on Tuesday coach Charlie Weis wasn’t talking about the…

  2. Morning Tweet: Four square, Jimmy Kimmel and you

    Nov 25, 2009, 9:00 AM EDT

    Of all the things you expected to see on television tonight, I’ll bet this is not one of them. Consider this your sneak preview of Jimmy Kimmel Live, and you’re welcome. Glazer was the referee, by the way, in a tetherball showdown between Charles Barkley and Kimmel, which was taped on Tuesday and I’m sure…

  3. Insanity of the Istanbul Derby includes raining beer, stadium on fire

    Nov 24, 2009, 4:00 PM EDT

    There’s a video bouncing around the Internets today of a soccer player trying to execute a corner kick amidst a deluge of beer, from cups being launched from the stands nearby. Eventually police form a barrier with their riot shields and the game is resumed. Video follows the jump, but the poster had no real…

  4. NBA uniform manufacturing headed overseas? Senator says Hell nah!

    Nov 24, 2009, 2:45 PM EDT

    As you know, NBA uniforms have been made right here on our shores for more than 40 years: A genuine source of pride for any true-blooded American (except when the Clippers are on TV). Now, Adidas, which has the exclusive contract to make the unis, has announced that it’s taking the whole shebang over to…

  5. Chris Webber calls Sacramento 'a cowtown'; hilarity ensues

    Nov 24, 2009, 1:15 PM EDT

    Sadly, I just found out that Chris Webber has closed his restaurant in Sacramento. Now where am I going to go for my “Fab 5″ burger (Sacramento’s biggest burger at 44 ounces, price: $29.50)? I think we have our first clue as to why the place closed. Also there was that shooting thing. If Webber’s…

  6. America's new fun, flexible couple: Brady Quinn and Alicia Sacramone

    Nov 24, 2009, 12:03 PM EDT

    It’s official: Olympic gymnast Alicia Sacramone is dating Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn. I sensed this yesterday, when I felt a great disturbance in The Force; as if millions of Brady Quinn-is-gay jokes cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Sacramone made this revelation during an interview with U.S. Gymnastics, where she got through…

  7. Ricky Williams is still out there, man … and I mean way out there

    Nov 24, 2009, 11:00 AM EDT

    OK, that’s not my favorite Ricky Williams photo … this is. But anyway, that’s not why we’re here today. We’re here to discuss vegetarian diet. Daily breathing and meditation, acupuncture, therapeutic massage. Yoga. You know; all the things that it takes to be a successful running back in the NFL. Ricky Williams is a new…

  8. KKK plays Ole Miss with depleted roster, is booed out of town

    Nov 24, 2009, 10:05 AM EDT

    Can you really call it a rally if only 11 people show up? That was the turnout for the big Ku Klux Klan demonstration on Saturday at the University of Mississippi, as the group tried to protest the university removing the song “From Dixie With Love” from their marching band repertoire. For added fun, the…

  9. Morning Tweet: And now, the comedy stylings of Gary Kubiak

    Nov 24, 2009, 9:00 AM EDT

    It’s hard to imagine Carrot Top and “killed the crowd” associating in the same sentence, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that you never doubt a guy wearing an eye patch. Fun Fact: I interviewed Carrot Top once. Real name, Scott Thompson. Grew up in Florida, and his parents are actually…

  10. Who is the best football broadcaster in all the land? Two sites decide

    Nov 23, 2009, 5:30 PM EDT

    We’re Americans, so of course we must make lists. Who is the best beekeeper in California? What is the largest fish ever caught in Lake Erie? What do I need at Safeway? The lists are endless. We must list, and we must rank. And for some reason it’s vitally important to do so with football…

  11. PETA wants Bud Adams to give McDonald's 'the bird'

    Nov 23, 2009, 4:04 PM EDT

    I’m not sure what Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams has to do with chickens — he’s an oil man, after all — but PETA knows a good publicity opportunity when it sees one. The animal rights folks, who never miss anything, have seized on Adams’ double-digit salute to Bills’ fans two Sundays ago in their…

  12. Cat gets yellow card; soccer fans not amused

    Nov 23, 2009, 3:35 PM EDT

    It’s my opinion that soccer will never really catch on in the U.S. until a small animal is officially cautioned by a referee in a professional game. Such was the case in Zagreb, Coatia on Saturday, when a goalkeeper in a Croatian first division match removed a cat from the playing field and was promptly…

  13. Tiger Woods shocked to learn he is not worshiped as a deity by all

    Nov 23, 2009, 2:08 PM EDT

    First Philadelphia Eagles fans booed Santa Claus, forever placing that group in the Sports Lout Hall of Fame. And now the University of California has stepped up to join them in spectator ignominy. On Saturday at the Big Game at Stanford Stadium, Cal fans booed Tiger Woods. Yes, and it wasn’t just a smattering of…

  14. MLS Cup be damned; David and Victoria Beckham are going to have sex

    Nov 23, 2009, 1:02 PM EDT

    I don’t want to take this out of context, but did David Beckham recently say on Dan Patrick’s radio show that he wears his wife’s underwear? Does this occur during games? As you no doubt know, Real Salt Lake beat the Los Angeles Galaxy on penalty kicks on Sunday to win the 2009 MLS Cup.…

  15. A passage for trombone: Gary Tyrrell, the Stanford Band, and The Play

    Nov 23, 2009, 12:03 PM EDT

    We couldn’t let The Big Game get too far in our rear-view mirror without a passing nod to possibly the most infamous play in college football history; in fact, they simply call it The Play, and that is enough. Great piece in The Stanford Daily on Friday about Gary Tyrrell, the Stanford trombone player who…

  16. Soccer Hero is very cool, and no one uses their hands

    Nov 23, 2009, 11:00 AM EDT

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    The most amazing thing about this video (following he jump) is not the fact that these five guys are accurate enough to play a tune on Guitar Hero with soccer balls against a warehouse wall, but that someone actually came up with the idea in the first place. “(Drops breakfast burrito) I’ve got it! We…

  17. Notre Dame fans have rational explanation for football failure: President Obama

    Nov 23, 2009, 10:04 AM EDT

    It’s no coincidence that the University of Connecticut beat Notre Dame in double overtime on Saturday, say some of the Fighting Irish faithful. The reason this happened is clear: President Obama made Touchdown Jesus cry. The President, of course, spoke at the university’s May commencement; an act which angered many Catholics due to the controversies…

  18. Morning Tweet: Presenting Monday, with Carrie and Kyle

    Nov 23, 2009, 9:00 AM EDT

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    The Rams couldn’t pull it out vs. the Cardinals on Sunday, but St. Louis did control the second half, outscoring Arizona 10-0. And speaking of scoring above one’s station, the big news in St. Louis is backup QB Kyle Boller and a certain former Miss California. We can forgive Carrie Prejean her photo and video…

  19. Well, that was fun

    Nov 20, 2009, 7:15 PM EDT

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    As Mark Knopfler once sang, “It’s the end of a perfect day, for surfer boys and girls …” Typing Cat sure is exhausted, as you can see. It’s mostly because he had to monitor the comments on the Brett Favre post, which were clearly too much for a small cat to comprehend. Who would have…

  20. Luxury boxes at Michigan Stadium: Blasphemy, or good business?

    Nov 20, 2009, 5:00 PM EDT

    They’re constructing luxury suites at Michigan Stadium. I know that the gang from The Big Chill would be horrified, but to get a current reading on this development from the most die-hard Wolverine fan I know, I called my friend Tim Parsons, an editor for a Northern California newspaper. No sooner had I gotten the…