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If you’re tired of insulting yourself, Adidas and Google have unveiled shoes that will do it for you (video)

Mar 13, 2013, 7:03 PM EDT

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It’s South by Southwest week in Austin, Texas, and that means misguided but earnest attempts at unveiling products that advance our culture.

Google has a tentative hit with their ‘Google Glasses’, a version of which is to be released to the general public later this year. To go on that theme, they teamed with Adidas to make shoes that will provide feedback as you run. And if you’re going too slow you bet they’ll insult you. I thought talking shoes were always supposed to be nice and encouraging?

This weekend, at the annual South by Southwest conference in Austin, Texas, Google unveiled an early prototype of motion-sensing “smart shoes,” with an embedded speaker on the tongue of the shoe that can yell motivation at you when you’re being lazy, or encourage you when you’re being active.

Google –which created the talking shoes in collaboration with Adidas, design and ad agency 72andSunny and creative thinkery YesYesNo — made it clear to reporters in Austin that it has absolutely no plans whatsoever to actually release the shoes; rather, the next-gen footwear was developed as part of a thought experiment on how wearable technology could interact with the human body and with the Internet. (The shoe, of course, is able to post status updates to Google+, and the video advertisement below shows the shoe with its own Google+ profile.)

Unfortunately, like that 8-wheeled Dodge T-Rex I saw when I was eight at a Philadelphia car show, these are just prototypes that in most likelihood will not hit the market. So go to Google and steal them.