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Our long National nightmare is over: Hulk Hogan settles sextape lawsuit

Oct 29, 2012, 4:10 PM EDT

Hulk Hogan Launches His New Book "My Life Outside The Ring" Getty Images

It’s the one story that’s been everywhere you look over the past week, threatening to shake large sections of our country to the very core– a terrible confluence of factors, a violent amalgam of pressure and panic that have left many of us up at night, wondering what the final damage will be.

No, not the Frankenstorm currently laying waste to the Eastern seaboard, but the Hulk Hogan sextape scandal and subsequent lawsuit filed against your friend and mine, Bubba the Love Sponge (real name: who cares? We’re calling him Bubba the Love Sponge). In perhaps the strongest example yet that world peace is possible, the lawsuit brought by the Hulkster against his one-time friend and ex-husband of his sexytime co-star has been settled as quickly as it was filed. From E! Online:

Following the settlement, [Bubba the Love Sponge] issued a public apology to Hogan, which [Bubba the Love Sponge] read on Monday during his radio show, and will do so again on Tuesday.

“I am now convinced that Hulk Hogan was unaware of the presence of the recording device in my bedroom,” [Bubba the Love Sponge] said. “I am convinced [Hulk Hogan] had no knowledge that he was being taped…It is my belief that Hulk is not involved, and has not ever been involved, in trying to release the video, or exploit it, or otherwise gain from the video’s release in any way.”

Hogan’s personal litigation attorney, David R. Houston, says “Mr. Bollea is pleased that [Bubba the Love Sponge] finally stated the truth and apologized for his false statements.

Let me be the first to express disappointment that this dispute was ended civilly, and without the use of turnbuckles, ropes, a large canvas mat, a ladder, two conspicuously-placed tables, fake blood, or foolishly disputed third-party interference. This never would have happened if Vince McMahon were still alive.

For those of you still thirsting for conflict, Hogan’s $100 million suit against Gawker Media (for airing portions of said sextape on the interwebs) is still pending, with a hearing set for Nov. 9 regarding his injunction to have the clips taken down. So you know, if you want to see grainy footage of a worn-down vestige from your childhood doing the horizontal shuffle with a radio personality’s ladyfriend and haven’t yet, you still have time.

Along with a possible jumping-off point for next week’s therapy session, but I digress.

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Hulk Hogan Settles Sex Tape Lawsuit With Bubba The Love Sponge [E! Online]

  1. lbroberts123 - Oct 30, 2012 at 10:01 AM

    Vince McMahon is still alive…?

    • shorttracknews - Oct 30, 2012 at 12:32 PM

      Vince McMahon is still alive, great fact checking Rob…

      • Rob Sylvester - Oct 30, 2012 at 12:45 PM

      • skids003 - Oct 30, 2012 at 12:45 PM

        Fact checking, what is fact checking.

        —The Main Stream Media