Teddy Wins! By popular demand, large-headed 26th President claims first-ever Nationals mascot race victory (video)
Oct 3, 2012, 2:38 PM EDT
Fun fact: when you Google Teddy Roosevelt, the first three results are of the mascot in the Washington Nationals’ Presidents Race — you don’t get to the real guy until the middle of the page. Which is as it should be today. Yes, following seven years of frustration and more than 500 losses, Teddy has finally won the venerable fourth-inning mascot sprint in which he had previously served as comic foil.
What’s next — Charlie Brown winning the championship?
Long the butt of jokes among MLB mascots, Teddy finally tasted victory earlier today after 525 consecutive losses — beating Jefferson, Washington and Lincoln, albeit with help, and a bit of cheating. But what mascot race doesn’t feature antics and shenanigans? Let’s go right to the video:
Teddy’s hapless fortunes had come under intense media scrutiny in recent weeks — the mascot was even the subject of a Wall Street Journal piece last week. His racing failures have been recounted in numerous blogs, and of course an infamous Facebook page, Let Teddy Win, whose merchandising efforts had become a cottage industry.
We’re not sure what the real Roosevelt would have thought of this. Where would it rank on his list of achievements? Greater than his term as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, but less than Governor of New York? I would imagine that the real Roosevelt would have preferred not to have won this race at all. A perfect record is a perfect record: Being 0-500 means you’re a folk hero, like Glass Joe in Mike Tyson’s Punchout, or the Chicago Cubs. Being 1-499 just makes you a nobody.
What does this mean for America? First, it’s a boot in the arm for a political third party — perhaps the Bull Moose Party will make a comeback. Also it will be a boon to the first candidate who can manage to work it in during tonight’s Presidential debate.
But mostly its a victory for mustaches.
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