Aug 1, 2012, 11:34 AM EDT
If you’re a fan of Jose Canseco’s Twitter page (“al gore was a head of his time .i miss him rest in peace buddy hug for u”), you’re going to love this. Just got a press release from Vice.com, announcing that Canseco is their new columnist. Appearing every Monday, the column, entitled José Can Say So, will center presumably on whatever Jose is thinking about that week … or that minute. And his inaugural effort is a beauty.
Showing that the column will not always, if ever, center on baseball, Canseco takes on the thorny issue of gun control and the Aurora theater shootings. Let’s look at some excerpts:
— The funny thing is I don’t own any guns, but I would love to have a few—an Uzi and a street sweeper and a machine gun, maybe. I’d love to be able to carry a 9mm on me in a holster and just walk around. That’d be great. But you can’t in California, the state in which I live. And that’s bogus.
– I guarantee that if four or five or six people had guns on them in that theater, either that kid would never have gone in there, or he would have gotten blown away. That’s just the way it is. I think you have to send a message to the criminals: ”No no no no no, you think you’ve got a gun? I’ve got a bigger gun. I’ve got two guns on you.” It’s simple psychology, really.
– But, theoretically, if I was certain he didn’t have a weapon and I could defend myself (in other words he’s smaller than I am), I would not use a gun. Even if he does, I’m probably not going to shoot him above the waist; I’ll blast him in the leg or the knee.
– If it were up to me, I would fry the Aurora shooter, big-time. I’d do it like old times; I’d make it a spectacle and try him in public. Hang him, electrocute him, whatever. Maybe make it a Pay-Per-View special and send the proceeds to the families of the victims and maybe offset some of the costs of keeping him on death row and operating whatever death machine you strap him to. If I were president, that’s exactly what I’d do. No doubt in my mind. Financially, it’s a great deal.
As will always be the case with this column, I reckon, the comments are the best part.
Canseco may be writing the column to help pay the bills: he filed for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy today in Las Vegas. Part of Canseco’s debts include $500,000 owed to the IRS, according to court documents.
- So long folks, it’s time for me to take off 18
- Man wins full marathon while pushing his daughter in a baby stroller (video) 14
- Lock and load, it’s youth baseball fundraising time: league raffling off AR-15 rifle (video) 8
- Sim Bhullar is a large basketball player, and I mean it. Anybody want a peanut? 0
- What’s with kids and all these death-defying stunts? 674
- Nothing to see here…just a 70-yard field goal by a high-schooler (video) 3
- None found
- Oxbow upsets Orb in Preakness
- PBT: Pacers top Knicks, punch ticket to conf. finals
- MST: Carpenter wins pole for 97th Indianapolis 500
- PHT: Couture strikes in OT, lifting Sharks in Game 3
- PHT: Red Wings even up series with Blackhawks
- PBT: Pacers may not have Hill for Game 6
- PHT: No surgery needed for Staal after brutal hit
- Play Video: Oxbow wins Preakness Stakes, Orb finishes fourth
- Play Video: I'll Have Another wins the Preakness
- Play Video: Konig takes Stage 7, van Garderen retains overall lead
- Play Video: Gary Stevens wins third Preakness
- Play Video: Highlights: Sharks take critical Game 3 in OT
- Play Video: Staal in agony after knee-on-knee hit