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Morning Mail: Olympic Opening Ceremony to feature classic battle of Voldemort vs. Mary Poppins

Jul 25, 2012, 9:00 AM EDT

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voldemortpoppins AP

Apparently Voldemort is back, and he-who-must-not-be-named is threatening Friday’s Opening Ceremony of the London Olympics. But never fear — Harry Potter Mary Poppins will save the day. Wait, what?

The Sunday Times reports, via Fourth Place Medal, that the Opening Ceremony will feature a British literary theme. A 40-foot Voldemort rising out of a bed in the center of Olympic Stadium, to be confronted by characters from Alice in Wonderland, 101 Dalmatians and, finally, a 40-foot Voldemort.

Then, this happens:

About 30 actors each depicting Mary Poppins, the magical English nanny played by Julie Andrews in the 1964 Disney film, will descend from the roof of the stadium on wires and “float” to the ground with their opened umbrellas. The nightmare will be banished and happiness restored. “It’s a jaw-dropping sequence,” said one source.

Also, a hundred children doing a “bed dance.”

Voldemort’s appearance will coincide with dozens of Dementors — creatures that feed off human happiness — streaming into the arena from all directions and scaring the children.

What, no Admiral Boom? #disappointing

But I would like to thank the London Olympics for providing several new costume themes for my Opening Ceremony viewing party.

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