Skip to content

Dirk Nowitzki swings a baseball bat just like you do (video)

Jul 3, 2012, 3:40 PM EDT

dirkbattingpractice

The offseason is a time when athletes can take a big break from making millions of dollars to show their fans that they really are just regular guys with regular idiosyncrasies and regular baseball swings, just like you and me.

Take Dirk Nowitzki for example: his three-point shooting stroke is one of the most incredible things in today’s world of sports. You see the big lug sneaking around behind the arc, waiting for the moment precise moment when his defender sags off for some help defense. BOOM! The moment! He throws his gigantic arm up in the air, signaling to his teammates that he’s ready to end this whole offense thing and just drop the bomb already. The pass comes in and all of a sudden it’s in his grasp. Dirk cocks his shot around the waistband, takes a tiiiiiiiny little jump and all of a sudden there’s a basketball flying high through the air, as if it were 50 feet above the rim. He’s standing there, arm in the air, praying to the hoop lords that he’s struck gold once again. The ball craters out of the sky, Dirk’s viciously backpedalling, and all of a sudden, BLAM! The basketball has whipped through net and the crowd’s going crazy. Three points.

That’s nothing like his baseball swing, of course. That looks more like a third grader trying to swat at flies with a toothpick. Pro athletes; when they’re not playing their sport, they’re just as ungainly and awkward as the rest of us. Refreshing to know.

  1. BleedingSilverAndBlack - Jul 3, 2012 at 7:15 PM

    I have never hit a baseball, and I was in little league for 4 years. I don’t know how the pro’s do it.

    • Josiah Schlatter - Jul 4, 2012 at 3:11 AM

      I didn’t hit a baseball in the entirety of my third grade career so I retired until sixth grade, when I thought my body had matured to where I could walk up to the batter’s box without thinking, “What the HELL do you think you’re doing?!?! You don’t belong with a baseball bat on your shoulder, walking up to strike out, or worse, get hit by a baseball. That’s the fate you’re subjecting yourself to, RIGHT NOW! PANIC! BAIL! FAKE LEG INJURY! THERE’S STILL TIME!”

      Until, of course, there wasn’t, and I was standing up there like an absolute idiot, thinking, “Am I waggling my bat the way I practiced in the mirror? Does it matter? Oh crap, the pitcher just nodded. He must know what’s going on. Ahhhhh crap here’s the windup, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *MANY MIND EXPLETIVES DELETED* IS IT GONNA HIT ME IS IT GON- OKAY IT ISN’T, NOW SWING THE GODDAMN BAT AT IT ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”

      WOOOSH!

      Strike one.

  2. ezwriter69 - Jul 4, 2012 at 11:39 PM

    News flash, the dude grew up in Germany? You figure he grew up playing Little League? I bet he’d do fine kicking a soccer ball. But of course it’s easier to just rip a guy and make a preposterous generalization. You know who looks bad out of this story? Not Dirk, but some clueless genius named Schlatter. Just pathetic, Josiah Schlatter, whoever the bleep you are.

    • michiganhockey11 - Jul 5, 2012 at 1:32 PM

      If the guy put on some weight, he’d be a stud for rugby.

  3. lostpuppysyndrome - Jul 6, 2012 at 11:25 AM

    …unless, of course, you’re Sidney Crosby and are able to hit a homerun at PNC park. Some guys really are freaks.