Skip to content

Rick’s Cafe: Jose Canseco, global warming and you (RIP, Al Gore)

Mar 29, 2012, 12:30 PM EDT

cansecobook

Jose Canseco announced on Wednesday that he would discuss global warming with his Twitter followers the following day, and that they should “study” for the lecture, because “u clowns can’t comprehend global warning.”

True to his word, Canseco came back this morning with a barrage of tweets about recycling, the impending threat to polar bears, and how we can conserve energy by wearing flannel pajamas, “like the pioneers did.” But he also broke some big news during his Twitter rant: apparently, Al Gore has passed away. This comes as disturbing news to Al, I’m sure.

The tweets follow below, and I can think of very few things that are more entertaining. It’s slowly becoming clear that Jose Canseco’s Twitter feed is one of this country’s great treasures: possibly our first national landmark in cyberspace. Jose’s Twitter account should be visited with frequency, revered like the the Lincoln Memorial or the Liberty Bell. His brain is a comedy gold mine: full of great ironies, unintentional wit and fractured wisdom. It’s Sh*t My Father Says, if your father was an aging former Major Leaguer with a tenuous grasp on spelling and grammar who has several screws missing. His Twitter feed is at once a flight of fancy and a glimpse into madness.

Jose tries to do good, he really does. He wants you to recycle, thus saving enumerable polar bears. But in addition to saving the planet, he also wants you to know that he could still play for the Oakland A’s. Hey, he writes, “I saw bluejays signed 45 year old Omar vizquel. I’m only 47 with plenty of power and free.”

Well, here you go: below please find a feast for the eyes and a tonic for the soul. Enjoy. They should be read from the bottom up. Class is now in session.

source:

It just occurred to me that many of Canseco’s points could be used as slogans, to be employed in conservation campaigns and on green initiative posters. They could build an entire campaign around these tweets: they must not go to waste. Some possible examples:

source:

source:

source:

source:

source:

It should be noted that Canseco quickly corrected his premature obituary for Gore — presumably after several followers informed him that the Vice President was not in fact dead. Here’s what Jose wrote:

@JoseCanseco
sorry al you need to make some more noise .Keep fighting for us i believe in your and i am with you

That’s right: Canseco thought Al Gore had passed away because he hadn’t been making enough noise. Hope Jose’s dogs don’t like long naps.

Don’t you ever change, Jose.

One Canseco follower I think summed it up best:

Ryan ‏@simply_RJ_07
@JoseCanseco is slowly becoming my favorite follow.

***
Rick’s Cafe Americain appears on Thursdays. Contact: Rickchand@gmail.com. Twitter: @Rickchand.

  1. cur68 - Mar 29, 2012 at 3:18 PM

    Yeesh. Its either kill of cure for Jose at this point. I suggest lithium. Lots and lots of lithium.

  2. drewsylvania - Mar 29, 2012 at 5:04 PM

    Well, he’s definitely contributed a lot to the amount of hot air in the world.

  3. florida727 - Mar 30, 2012 at 8:39 AM

    I wish Jose would read the comments on blog stories like this one from Rick (Chandler), just so he knows that there are people out there, like me, who think he’s an illiterate moron whose brain apparently stopped functioning from all the steroid use. Jose, you’re beyond idiot status. And, PLEASE go back to that remedial English class you blew off before tweeting again. Being well-spoken might actually give you some credibility; someone may actually take you seriously. Not likely, but you never know. It’s worth a shot. (Oh, sorry, bad choice of words to a steroid junky. Should have left off the “shot” reference.)

  4. baddorange - Apr 13, 2012 at 9:42 PM

    How often did baseballs hit his head and leave the ball park? Is he on something? His brain is missing some circuits,