Mar 29, 2012, 12:30 PM EDT
Jose Canseco announced on Wednesday that he would discuss global warming with his Twitter followers the following day, and that they should “study” for the lecture, because “u clowns can’t comprehend global warning.”
True to his word, Canseco came back this morning with a barrage of tweets about recycling, the impending threat to polar bears, and how we can conserve energy by wearing flannel pajamas, “like the pioneers did.” But he also broke some big news during his Twitter rant: apparently, Al Gore has passed away. This comes as disturbing news to Al, I’m sure.
The tweets follow below, and I can think of very few things that are more entertaining. It’s slowly becoming clear that Jose Canseco’s Twitter feed is one of this country’s great treasures: possibly our first national landmark in cyberspace. Jose’s Twitter account should be visited with frequency, revered like the the Lincoln Memorial or the Liberty Bell. His brain is a comedy gold mine: full of great ironies, unintentional wit and fractured wisdom. It’s Sh*t My Father Says, if your father was an aging former Major Leaguer with a tenuous grasp on spelling and grammar who has several screws missing. His Twitter feed is at once a flight of fancy and a glimpse into madness.
Jose tries to do good, he really does. He wants you to recycle, thus saving enumerable polar bears. But in addition to saving the planet, he also wants you to know that he could still play for the Oakland A’s. Hey, he writes, “I saw bluejays signed 45 year old Omar vizquel. I’m only 47 with plenty of power and free.”
Well, here you go: below please find a feast for the eyes and a tonic for the soul. Enjoy. They should be read from the bottom up. Class is now in session.
It just occurred to me that many of Canseco’s points could be used as slogans, to be employed in conservation campaigns and on green initiative posters. They could build an entire campaign around these tweets: they must not go to waste. Some possible examples:
It should be noted that Canseco quickly corrected his premature obituary for Gore — presumably after several followers informed him that the Vice President was not in fact dead. Here’s what Jose wrote:
sorry al you need to make some more noise .Keep fighting for us i believe in your and i am with you
That’s right: Canseco thought Al Gore had passed away because he hadn’t been making enough noise. Hope Jose’s dogs don’t like long naps.
Don’t you ever change, Jose.
One Canseco follower I think summed it up best:
@JoseCanseco is slowly becoming my favorite follow.
Rick’s Cafe Americain appears on Thursdays. Contact: Rickchand@gmail.com. Twitter: @Rickchand.
- So long folks, it’s time for me to take off 18
- Man wins full marathon while pushing his daughter in a baby stroller (video) 14
- Lock and load, it’s youth baseball fundraising time: league raffling off AR-15 rifle (video) 8
- Sim Bhullar is a large basketball player, and I mean it. Anybody want a peanut? 0
- What’s with kids and all these death-defying stunts? 674
- Nothing to see here…just a 70-yard field goal by a high-schooler (video) 3
- None found
- Watch LIVE: Sharks-Kings, Game 5
- PHT: Wings push Hawks to brink of elimination
- PHT: Kreider keeps Rangers alive | Highlights
- PBT: Hibbert says Battier's knee to groin intentional
- OlyTalk: Lochte says Phelps will return soon
- CSN: Francona returns to Boston | Legacy?
- Posnanski: Hornets more than a name to Charlotte