Super Bowl Ad Power Rankings: Sweet, sexy controversy

It’s our final day of the Super Bowl Ad Power Rankings, and chaos reigns. First, the Teleflora ad starring the lovely Adriana Lima sent shockwaves through the standings due to its controversial message. Then Mr. Quiggly appeared on Good Morning America to debut his Skechers commercial, which came with some controversy of its own. Madness!

 

 

1. A Dream Car For Real Life, Kia. Kia vaults to No. 1 by popular demand (and I didn’t appreciate the brick through the window), replacing the Volkswagen Star Wars dogs, who were cut because they were just a teaser commercial for Volkswagen and won’t actually be appearing during the Super Bowl. Kia blended all the things I love: hot women in bikinis, Motley Crue, the rhinoceros rodeo, and sub sandwiches so enormous that they have to be cut by a lumberjack with a chainsaw. Well played.

 

2. Valentine’s Day, Teleflora. Brazilian model Adriana Lima has sparked controversy with this Super Bowl ad that was released today, over claims that it’s sexist. How dare men give flowers and expect hot lovin’ in return! But despite the uproar, I’m placing the commercial high on our list because I love sexy babes it’s an important discussion point.

 

3. The Dog Strikes Back, Volkswagen. This moves up two spots to No. 3, again by popular demand, as many of you apparently were touched by the story of a dog that loses weight so it can fit through the pet door and chase cars. It’s a story of perseverance and ultimate triumph, not unlike that of Tim Tebow or Alex Smith. Plus there’s a Star Wars scene tacked to the end to please us nerds.

 

4. Transactions, Acura. Jerry & Friends also move up two spots due in large part to the efforts of aggressive Soup Nazi lobbyists in Washington. Plus, there’s the last living munchkin, an alien, and Jerry traversing Manhattan on a zip line. Many of you did not enjoy Jay Leno’s appearance at the end, however, which prevented this from finishing higher. I blame Newman.

 

5. Go Run Mr. Quiggly, Skechers. The shoe company released the full version of their ad today, and the result is quite good: you cannot help but root for Mr. Quiggly … the shameless showboating at the finish line notwithstanding. And now that Mark Cuban has been eliminated in his bid to purchase the Dodgers, we see what his Plan B was. This one has an element of controversy as well, by the way.

 

6. Chevy Happy Grad, Chevrolet. Companies are starting to figure out that the best commercials are the homegrown variety. Zach Borst, a 26-year-old filmmaker from Long Island, wrote, produced and directed this one for Chevrolet’s Route 66 Super Bowl ad competition, and it was chosen above 250 others to be broadcast during the Super Bowl. I’m assuming Zach will get more than a mini fridge for his efforts.

 

7. Matthew Broderick’s Day Off, Honda CRV. This moves up one spot, for no other reason than they had the good sense not to include Ben Stein in it (“Bueller? … Bueller? …”). Still not sure it’s wise to bring back Ferris Bueller 26 years later, but what the hell. My problem isn’t this commercial. As Charlie Sheen said to Ferris’ sister in the police station, “Your problem is you.”

 

8. Vampire Party, Audi. One of my favorite fantasies, killing off all the vampires from the Twilight films, comes to life in this commercial for Audi … or more specifically, for Audi headlights. Now, is there an option for shirtless werewolves?

 

9. Sled, Suzuki. Dogs are hot this year: Sunday’s game breaks will be replete with canines barking John Williams soundtrack music, shilling for Doritos, and chilling in Suzukis. But as one YouTube commenter noted about this commercial: “Where does he buy gas?”

 

10. The Tease, Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt. John Stamos teases a woman (his wife? Unclear) with delicious Oikos yogurt, and gets his just desserts. It’s John Stamos getting head-butted; what’s not to like here?

 

11. Fatherhood, E*Trade. Call me a traditionalist, but I don’t really care for the new E*Trade baby. I realize that the original kid is probably now in first grade or some such, but wouldn’t it have been fun to follow his online stock trading exploits as he grew older? However, I’ll admit that this new spot that will be shown during the Super Bowl today does much to revive the franchise.

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That’s it for Super Bowl Ad Power Rankings … unless I find another one I like. If you’d like to nominate one, contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.