Feb 2, 2012, 5:33 PM EDT
Kia has released the extended version of its Super Bowl commercial, and it appears to appeal to a certain demographic: those who like hot girls in bikinis, Motley Crue, and the rhinoceros rodeo. Well played! Here’s the latest version of our Super Bowl Ad Power Rankings.
1. The Bark Side, Volkswagen. As you know, George Lucas is re-releasing the six Star Wars movies in 3D, starting with Phantom Menace on Feb. 10. So of course there’s a commercial tie-in with the Super Bowl, and Volkswagen has taken the theme and run with it. The results are quite pleasing: witness dogs barking the Imperial March, with a nice little surprise at the end. (Obi Wan waves hand) “These are not the Snausages you’re looking for.” This is actually a teaser for Volkswagen’s real Super Bowl ad, which is below at No. 4. Yes, the teaser is ahead of the real ad in our rankings. C3PO: “What? That can’t be. R2, you’re playing the wrong message!”
2. A Dream Car. For Real Life, Kia. So the teaser video to this commercial came in at No. 10 on Tuesday, but now that we’ve seen the extended version, here we are at No. 2. Forgive me, but I’m just a sucker for hot women, Motley Crue, the rhinoceros rodeo, and sub sandwiches so enormous that they have to be cut by a lumberjack with a chain saw.
3. Make Your Own, Doritos. Our No. 3 commercial is really not an official Super Bowl ad at all: it’s an entry in the Doritos Tortilla Chip Crash the Super Bowl Contest that didn’t make the cut (top five). But even though Doritos didn’t choose this effort by the Austin, Texas filmmaking team of John Ramsey, Jack Dreesen and David Ward, it’s the one getting the most YouTube hits so far: more than 2.3 million as of this writing.
4. Chevy Happy Grad, Chevrolet. Companies are starting to figure out that the best commercials are the homegrown variety. Zach Borst, a 26-year-old filmmaker from Long Island, wrote, produced and directed this one for Chevrolet’s Route 66 Super Bowl ad competition, and it was chosen above 250 others to be broadcast during the Super Bowl. I’m assuming Zach will get more than a mini fridge for his efforts.
5. The Dog Strikes Back, Volkswagen. Fear the power of the backside. Here’s the extended version of Volkswagen’s 2012 Super Bowl entry, in which a dog goes on a strict exercise regimen so that he can fit though the pet door and chase cars. Moral of the story? Don’t piss off Darth Vader. Wait, what?
6. Transactions, Acura. We got a Ferris Bueller redux (see below), so why not the return of Jerry Seinfeld and the Soup Nazi? Plus, there’s the last living munchkin, an alien, and Jerry traversing Manhattan on a zip line. This is the extended version, so why not play along with me and guess which bits will make the final cut?
7. Vampire Party, Audi. One of my favorite fantasies, killing off all the vampires from the Twilight films, comes to life in this commercial for Audi … or more specifically, for Audi headlights. Now, is there an option for shirtless werewolves?
8. Matthew Broderick’s Day Off, Honda CRV. Aside from his greying hair and a few extra pounds, Matthew Broderick could still pass for 17. But is it wise to bring Ferris Bueller back 26 years later? I don’t know … you be the judge. Loved the ending, though.
9. Sled, Suzuki. Dogs are hot this year: Sunday’s game breaks will be replete with canines barking John Williams soundtrack music, shilling for Doritos, and chilling in Suzukis. But as one YouTube commenter noted about this commercial: “Where does he buy gas?”
10. The Tease, Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt. John Stamos teases a woman (his wife? Unclear) with delicious Oikos yogurt, and gets his just desserts. It’s John Stamos getting head-butted; what’s not to like here?
Super Bowl Ad Power Rankings will be updated each day this week, if there are new Super Bowl commercials good enough to break into the top ten. If you’d like to nominate one, contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.
Mar 31, 2013, 10:37 AM EDT
Since this will be the final post in the history of Off The Bench, I feel that this post can’t just be a simple post about an NFL player buying segways for his teammates or an improbable buzzer beater from a high school basketball game. I’d like to echo the sentiments that Rick featured in…
Mar 31, 2013, 7:13 AM EDT
As Opening Day of Major League Baseball is just around the corner, Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels will be getting the starting nod against the Atlanta Braves. If you have been following the Phillies during spring training, you might have noticed that Hamels has been growing a rather impressive mustache. Below are just some photos…
Mar 30, 2013, 12:16 PM EDT
Back in 2012, Vanderbilt University’s baseball team pulled off a successful triple steal in a game against Florida in the SEC Tournament. Earlier this week, Vanderbilt pulled off that rare feat again in a non-conference game against Lipscomb University. With runners on first and second, Commodore manager Tim Corbin called for the steal and before…
Mar 30, 2013, 9:04 AM EDT
Back on Tuesday, the United States men’s soccer team traveled to Azteca Stadium to face Mexico in a World Cup Qualifying match. After the match ended in a draw, a group of happy United States fans celebrated the 0-0 score in the upper deck of the Azteca. As chants of USA got louder and louder,…
Mar 28, 2013, 8:00 AM EDT
In case you haven’t heard, Easter Sunday is the final day of Off the Bench: this blog will cease operations as of 11:59 p.m. on that date. So the day after March 31, there will be no new posts on this blog. The timing is fine: I see no reason people would wake the next…
Mar 27, 2013, 3:19 PM EDT
So the Miami Heat have won 27 straight, and have an excellent chance of breaking the NBA record for consecutive wins, 33, set by the 1971-72 Los Angeles Lakers. Here’s a pretty good breakdown comparing the two teams. But if you’re like me, it’s not enough to know that Thor and Hercules were both very…
Mar 26, 2013, 2:35 PM EDT
Life as a lesser Belushi can be frustrating at times, I’d imagine: even though you occasionally get to be in films like Trading Places and be married to Courtney Thorne-Smith. Also you get to participate in Shoot-the-Puck contests at Chicago Blackhawks games. Jim Belushi was born in Chicago, so I sure hope he makes this…
Mar 25, 2013, 5:39 PM EDT
If you’re a fan of vintage tennis posters — or, you know, hot chicks — the you may be familiar with ‘Tennis Girl’. That’s the photo of 18-year-old Fiona Butler showing her mostly bare backside, shot by her boyfriend, Martin Elliott, and made into an iconic, best-selling poster in the 1970s. Lauren Davis of the…
Mar 25, 2013, 9:00 AM EDT
But that’s not even the most incredible part of this story. Iram Leon, 32, won the 2013 Gusher Marathon in Beaumont, Texas on Saturday despite the fact that he has terminal brain cancer. He ran the entire race while pushing his 6-year-old daughter Kiana in a stroller, winning with a time of in 3:07:36. That’s…
Mar 24, 2013, 3:38 PM EDT
Honestly, I didn’t think that a statue of a horned frog would scare me but the latest edition to the TCU football stadium might cause me to look under my bed for the next couple of days. On Saturday, TCU unveiled the newest edition to Amon G. Carter Stadium as a bronzed horned frog will…
Mar 24, 2013, 10:55 AM EDT
There might not be a individual in sports known for his wacky fashion sense than Turner Sports sideline reporter Craig Sager. Over the years, Craig has provided the world and a bunch of NBA players cannon-fodder for his strange color combinations and for those of you who think that Craig just wears those zany outfits…
Mar 24, 2013, 8:33 AM EDT
At almost every college/professional basketball game these days, one lucky fan is brought out onto the court to win some sort of cash or prize by making a number of shots or a half-court shot. For most, the pressure is pretty high but for one Serbian basketball fan attending an Adriatic League basketball game between KK Igokea…
Mar 23, 2013, 1:45 PM EDT
After playing together for Team USA in the 2013 World Baseball Classic, it appears that Cincinnati Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips became fast friends with Boston Red Sox outfielder Shane Victorino. Back on Friday night, Phillips took to his Twitter account to show off a pair of size 6.5 Louboutin sneakers that he bought for…
Mar 23, 2013, 10:55 AM EDT
Over the last couple of years, it appears that college athletic programs have been trying to one up each other in trying to create the most creative-looking football field or basketball courts. Back on Wednesday, Florida International men’s basketball coach Richard Pitino revealed the latest possible crazy basketball court design on his Twitter account. The…
Mar 23, 2013, 10:09 AM EDT
Over in Atwood, IL, all systems are go for a fundraiser in which an AR-15 rifle — the same type used in two recent school massacres — will be raffled off to benefit the local youth baseball league. According to the people involved this is all perfectly kosher, and one lucky fan will be heavily…
Mar 23, 2013, 8:35 AM EDT
While it’s normal for soccer goalies to come up on corner kicks to create an extra attacker, it isn’t normal for them to take motorcycle rides back to their own goal. Sadly, there isn’t a whole lot of information about the below video except for the fact that it occurs during a soccer match on…
Mar 22, 2013, 6:46 PM EDT
Bigger gathering of villainy: the cantina in Mos Eisly spaceport, or Harvard University? The basketball team may be riding high right now, but things are not going so swell back on campus. This past August Harvard officials announced that 125 students were under investigation for allegedly cheating on a take-home test. And now, Harvard has…
Mar 22, 2013, 4:22 PM EDT
Don’t those dual hair parts kind of resemble devil horns? Isn’t his trash-talking style kind of evil? Is his shot selection from the pit of hell? Yes, yes and yes. Every good story needs an antagonist, and the NCAA Basketball Tournament has theirs in Mississippi guard Marshall Henderson. What we have here is not exactly…
Mar 21, 2013, 4:12 PM EDT
Anybody wondering what Andre the Giant would have been like as a college basketball player, look no further than Sim Bhullar — New Mexico State’s 7-foot-5, 360-pound freshman from Toronto. Bhullar, the tallest player in college basketball, has 85 blocked shots and led the WAC in field goal percentage at 63.2 percent. Hey, it’s not…
Mar 20, 2013, 3:45 PM EDT
This video proves once again that great champions are made to order, not born. The Allen Americans of the Central Hockey League, a Double-A affiliate of the Dallas Stars, had their Fourth Annual McDonald’s Night at Allen Event Center in Allen, TX, recently. This of course called for McDonald’s-themed uniforms (later auctioned for charity), but…
- So long folks, it’s time for me to take off 18
- Man wins full marathon while pushing his daughter in a baby stroller (video) 14
- Lock and load, it’s youth baseball fundraising time: league raffling off AR-15 rifle (video) 8
- Sim Bhullar is a large basketball player, and I mean it. Anybody want a peanut? 0
- What’s with kids and all these death-defying stunts? 674
- Nothing to see here…just a 70-yard field goal by a high-schooler (video) 3
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