There’s absolutely nothing not to like about this Kia Super Bowl commercial

Kia has released the extended version of its Super Bowl commercial, and it appears to appeal to a certain demographic: those who like hot girls in bikinis, Motley Crue, and the rhinoceros rodeo. Well played! Here’s the latest version of our Super Bowl Ad Power Rankings.

1. The Bark Side, Volkswagen. As you know, George Lucas is re-releasing the six Star Wars movies in 3D, starting with Phantom Menace on Feb. 10. So of course there’s a commercial tie-in with the Super Bowl, and Volkswagen has taken the theme and run with it. The results are quite pleasing: witness dogs barking the Imperial March, with a nice little surprise at the end. (Obi Wan waves hand) “These are not the Snausages you’re looking for.” This is actually a teaser for Volkswagen’s real Super Bowl ad, which is below at No. 4. Yes, the teaser is ahead of the real ad in our rankings. C3PO: “What? That can’t be. R2, you’re playing the wrong message!”

 

2. A Dream Car. For Real Life, Kia. So the teaser video to this commercial came in at No. 10 on Tuesday, but now that we’ve seen the extended version, here we are at No. 2. Forgive me, but I’m just a sucker for hot women, Motley Crue, the rhinoceros rodeo, and sub sandwiches so enormous that they have to be cut by a lumberjack with a chain saw.

 

3. Make Your Own, Doritos. Our No. 3 commercial is really not an official Super Bowl ad at all: it’s an entry in the Doritos Tortilla Chip Crash the Super Bowl Contest that didn’t make the cut (top five). But even though Doritos didn’t choose this effort by the Austin, Texas filmmaking team of John Ramsey, Jack Dreesen and David Ward, it’s the one getting the most YouTube hits so far: more than 2.3 million as of this writing.

 

4. Chevy Happy Grad, Chevrolet. Companies are starting to figure out that the best commercials are the homegrown variety. Zach Borst, a 26-year-old filmmaker from Long Island, wrote, produced and directed this one for Chevrolet’s Route 66 Super Bowl ad competition, and it was chosen above 250 others to be broadcast during the Super Bowl. I’m assuming Zach will get more than a mini fridge for his efforts.

 

5. The Dog Strikes Back, Volkswagen. Fear the power of the backside. Here’s the extended version of Volkswagen’s 2012 Super Bowl entry, in which a dog goes on a strict exercise regimen so that he can fit though the pet door and chase cars. Moral of the story? Don’t piss off Darth Vader. Wait, what?

 

6. Transactions, Acura. We got a Ferris Bueller redux (see below), so why not the return of Jerry Seinfeld and the Soup Nazi? Plus, there’s the last living munchkin, an alien, and Jerry traversing Manhattan on a zip line. This is the extended version, so why not play along with me and guess which bits will make the final cut? Newman! Leno!

 

7. Vampire Party, Audi. One of my favorite fantasies, killing off all the vampires from the Twilight films, comes to life in this commercial for Audi … or more specifically, for Audi headlights. Now, is there an option for shirtless werewolves?

 

8. Matthew Broderick’s Day Off, Honda CRV. Aside from his greying hair and a few extra pounds, Matthew Broderick could still pass for 17. But is it wise to bring Ferris Bueller back 26 years later? I don’t know … you be the judge. Loved the ending, though.

 

9. Sled, Suzuki. Dogs are hot this year: Sunday’s game breaks will be replete with canines barking John Williams soundtrack music, shilling for Doritos, and chilling in Suzukis. But as one YouTube commenter noted about this commercial: “Where does he buy gas?”

 

10. The Tease, Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt. John Stamos teases a woman (his wife? Unclear) with delicious Oikos yogurt, and gets his just desserts. It’s John Stamos getting head-butted; what’s not to like here?

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Super Bowl Ad Power Rankings will be updated each day this week, if there are new Super Bowl commercials good enough to break into the top ten. If you’d like to nominate one, contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.