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Salem Witches cast spell to help Tom Brady beat Tim Tebow on Saturday (video)

Jan 13, 2012, 5:23 PM EDT

14 Comments
witchesbrady

They’re already billing this game as Good vs. Evil (the good being Tim Tebow, the evil being Bill Belichick), so why not take it a step further and get witches involved? A witches coven in Salem, Mass., gathered to cast spells to help Tom Brady and the Patriots in Saturday’s game with the Broncos, and neutralize the Sports Illustrated cover jinx. The witches felt that with Jesus on Tebow’s side, they needed to level the playing field. Hey, it worked for Charlie Sheen.

“Tebow is praying to the Gods, and we, the Witches of Salem will pray for the entire New England Patriots team and raise the energy in their honor to maximize an outstanding ,” Salem Witch Lorelei said.

The 10-minute ceremony at Crow Haven Corner, Salem’s first witch shop, was held at noon ET today — Friday the 13th, natch — and included an altar with a Brady puppet and mojo bags filled with herbs and stones for every Patriots player.

Lorelei said she will Tebow and chant the following: “Tom Brady will see what he needs to see, be where he needs to be and will take the Patriots to another victory.”

“You know, when we had our spiritual intervention for Charlie Sheen last year, we had a hard time getting all the girls (fellow witches) to come,” laughed Lorelei. “But when we told them this Circle was for Tom Brady, oh, everybody will be there!”

Meanwhile, Wes Welker is simply going with a Rally Mustache.

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Witches brew a win for Tom Brady [Boston Herald]

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  1. denverdude7 - Jan 13, 2012 at 10:20 PM

    So, the truth begins to appear in New England. Both the Patriots and their fans are running scared. Scared of an 8-8 team? Really?

    If you want to kiss Lombardi better learn to how to kneel.
    On your knee boy.
    He’s the way, he turned the tide, he brought faith to Mile High.

    Spell lifted and applied to Brady…forever.

    • mornelithe - Jan 14, 2012 at 2:22 AM

      Not sure how you come away with the Patriots running scared from this article. I don’t think it mentions, anywhere, the Pats players, coaches, or anyone in the organization seeking, asking, or applauding such actions.

      There’s always a chance in every game, but c’mon man, your expectations can’t be THAT high. There’s a reason the Bronco’s are 8-8, and a reason the Pats are 13-3.

    • carolinakid - Jan 14, 2012 at 9:08 AM

      Didn’t they play about a month ago or so ? How did that turn out ?

    • guidoed - Jan 15, 2012 at 12:51 PM

      Scared? Oh really? Who served whom? LMAO!

  2. christiansagainstnike - Jan 14, 2012 at 2:59 AM

    In Christianity… Christians pray to God for victory.
    In Paganism… Pagans pray to the goddess NIKE for victory.

    TEBOW ENDORSES A COMPANY NAMED IN HONOR OF THE PAGAN GODDESS NIKE!!!

    GOD HATES THAT!

    If you were there watching Christ suffer on the cross… and someone from Greece dropped by and told you about the goddess that he worshipped for victory… and offered you a shirt to wear with that name… NIKE. Would you wear it knowing what Christ just did for you?

    • nonlineared - Jan 15, 2012 at 9:04 AM

      Hades, yes, I would. The old gods still have power as long as we believe. ;]

  3. 1historian - Jan 14, 2012 at 7:23 AM

    Just when I dare to think that this whole thing just CAN’T get any dumber ……

    This whole thing just gets dumber and dumber and dumber

  4. carolinakid - Jan 14, 2012 at 9:09 AM

    Science flies you to the moon

    Religion flies you into buildings.

  5. jimsjam33 - Jan 14, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    The wicked never miss an opportunity .

    • carolinakid - Jan 14, 2012 at 2:07 PM

      OHHH NO what happens if The Pats win ? That means Wicca trumps Christianity !!

  6. Giselle - Jan 14, 2012 at 7:13 PM

    Yes, but Jesus Christ is bigger & way more powerful than any curse or spell.

  7. trbowman - Jan 15, 2012 at 2:28 AM

    Welp, Tom dropped six TDs in just over two quarters

  8. jrgiancola - Jan 15, 2012 at 12:15 PM

    This is hilarious. God doesn’t care about football. Tom Brady’s secret is that his real name is Kal-El and he’s from the planet Krypton. You just watched Superman beat the Broncos. I personally loved every minute of it.

  9. larsthorwald - Jan 15, 2012 at 4:50 PM

    The Coven’s spell seems to have worked. A belated happy Friday the 13ᵗʰ to everyone in Denver. Blessed be.

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