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The London Olympics may have a goose-eating Loch Ness monster

Dec 14, 2011, 3:31 PM EDT

olympicstadiumlondon Getty Images

Scoff if you like, but something large and terrible is lurking in the River Lea, right in the shadow of London’s Olympic Stadium. Does the 2012 Olympics have its own Loch Ness Monster? Eyewitnesses say that aye, it may be so. Be careful if ye go out on the water, lads. Especially if ye are a goose.

A goose-eating beast is lurking in the watery depths under the shadow of the Olympic Stadium, a boatman has warned.

Mike Wells said he had spotted a Canada goose being pulled below the surface of the River Lea in east London, which “disappeared so fast it didn’t make a sound.

“We just saw the goose go vertically down — in the space of half a second it had gone. Whatever it was, it had to be big.”

Here’s the Google map view of the stadium. See anything suspicious? Like a conspicuous lack of geese?

Video here.

British Waterways says that the most likely explanation for the creature is that it’s a giant pike, mink, alligator or giant turtle in the water. Gulping down a Canada goose, though, is a little more than those creatures could handle; except for the alligator. And having alligator-infested waters near the Olympic Village shouldn’t put anyone’s mind at ease.

Anyway, time to scrap these old Olympic mascots and get to work on naming this new, cool one. Jabberwocky? Lea? Ollie? This is going to make for some great t-shirts. My God, a monster attacked a goose just a few hundred yards from the stadium. This is going to be the best Olympics ever!

‘Goose-killer lurks in River Lea’ near Olympic Stadium [BBC]
Did Olympic monster attack goose at 2012 site? []

  1. winkeroni - Dec 15, 2011 at 8:41 AM

    I don’t understand why they seem so concerned. Obviously something is getting rid of the geese problem.

  2. silverdeer - Dec 15, 2011 at 11:22 AM

    Whatever it is, can we get some put in the lakes and ponds around Michigan? We need something to get rid of the flying carp (Canadian Goose) problem that we have around here.

  3. cur68 - Dec 15, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    It be a River Monster! call Jeremy Wade, STAT!

  4. Old Gator - Dec 16, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    Sounds like someone threw an American common snapping turtle into the river. They’re big – around 50 lbs. isn’t uncommon and 70-pounders have been known to occur too – and mean. Italy already has them as a thriving invasive species, bless their pepperonis. But most of all, they’re renowned for swimming up under ducks and geese and pulling them under and eating them. They make a real mess of it, too….