Rick’s Cafe: They’ve posted guards at the Albert Pujols statue, and other tales of anguish and despair

Look, no one is saying that angry St. Louis residents are going to tear down the Albert Pujols statue, Saddam Hussein style. Well, er, actually they are saying that, which may be why the proprietors of the Pujols 5 restaurant in Maryland Heights, Mo., have posted guards around it. This is true. From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

Security guards stood outside, keeping an eye on the bronze depiction of Pujols pointing at the sky. But the restaurant will stay, said David Hanon, son of restaurant owner Patrick Hanon.

“It’s a sad day,” Hanon said. “We’re losing somebody we’ve loved for 11 years. (But) as long as his number stays 5, we’ll stay here.”

And from KSDK St. Louis:

Inside, the restaurant has been getting calls from angry fans. Some jokingly asking what’s for lunch, like $250 million angel food cake.

Others were not so kind. All across Cardinals Nation today, the mood was electric. Garments were rendered, sad trombones distributed. The Sklar brothers, Randy and Jason (you may know them from the ESPN Classic show The Cheap Seats), are St. Louis natives. And they’ve dubbed Pujols “Baseball LeBron.” Ouch.

“When Jay opened up his computer this morning and read the news, he felt like he got kicked in the nuts,” The Sklars told Off the Bench. “We assumed Pujols would retire as a Cardinal, be our generation’s Stan Musial, our Jeter, or Ripkin and not chase the money or the have to feed the ego that he was the highest paid person at his position. And to see that he took the money over all else, from an emotional level, from the stand point of thinking that with Wainwright back next year and Freese and Craig emerging as stars, that we had a chance to get back to the World Series and maybe win another one or two in the next four or five years, it’s just hard to take.

“I guess we should have seen this coming though, because as our good friend said to us this morning, Albert Pujols is a religious man. And for a religious man, Angel always trumps Cardinal.

“Especially if that Angel is paying you a quarter of a billion dollars…guaranteed.”

The Twitter machine, of course, was ripe with low-hanging fruit. Pujols and his $250 million, 10-year deal with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim/Winterfell/and Mordor is the topic dujour.

@FauxJohnMadden
BREAKING – Albert Pujols to Angels for $250-$260M dollars prompting Kim Kardashian to announce she now likes Latinos.

Then there was the achingly poignant YouTube video that appeared this morning, then was taken down by the user, of a young Cardinals fan in the back seat of his father’s car, being told that Pujols was leaving. (Still from video at left).

“I’m going to cry now,” the kid says, pulling his woolen cap down over his eyes. Then, peeking with one eye from beneath the cap, he says: “Goodbye, Albert.”

Other young lads are putting on a braver face, however. Here is Mattoon, Ill., native Will Leitch — Deadspin founder, current writer for New York Magazine and author of the book Are We Winning?:

“The Cardinals made the right move for the Cardinals, and Albert Pujols made the right move for Albert Pujols,” Leitch told us. “They’re still both worse off, today, and from now on. This is probably never going to feel right.”

Film critic Tim Grierson (LA Weekly, Village Voice, Revolver), another St. Louis-area native:

“I woke up this morning just in time for the news to break: Pujols. Going to the Angels. For a ton of years. For a ton of money,” Grierson told us. “In the last couple days, I’d been bracing myself whenever I saw the word “Pujols,” waiting for it to be connected to word that he’d gone somewhere else. This morning, it finally happened.

“I’m sad he’s leaving the Cardinals, but for the team’s future I’m actually pretty happy how this turned out. Watching A-Rod struggle in the postseason was a reminder that every great player eventually Gets Old. There’s no escaping it, and it will happen to Pujols too. For the Cardinals, it’s for the best to part ways now.

“On a selfish level, I’m happy that my memories of Pujols as a Cardinal are perfect — no diminished excellence, no dramatic drop-off of talent. I’m happy for Pujols and hope he does great with the Angels. I’ve had a lifetime of great memories; Pujols leaving doesn’t take any of that away.”

Look at it this way, St. Louis: You got the Beatles, and the Angels got the later solo stuff.

But over at Pro Image Sports in St. Louis’ St. Clair Square, that’s little consolation. Currently they’re having a special sale, any Pujols jersey: $0. Yep. And at Fathead.com, makers of life-sized athlete decals for your wall, the Albert Pujols Cardinals Fathead has been priced to move: discounted today at $31.41 (from $99.99). That’s in reference to Pujols’ current age (31) and the age he’ll be at the end of his new contract (41). The pricing is apparently the handiwork of Fathead majority owner Dan Gilbert, who also owns the Cleveland Cavaliers, and so has some superstar abandonment issues of his own.

All of the above are trying not to think about the fact that Pujols will make $4,762 per pitch (based on 750 plate appearances and seven pitches per at-bat) with the Angels. Or that he actually turned down more money (a reported $270 million) from the Marlins. All of this is just another stark reminder that Major League Baseball is a business, and this is how the world works.

But that doesn’t make it hurt any less, because we’re incredibly vulnerable about stuff like this. I feel bad for Cardinals fans right now, I really do. When it comes to sports, at heart we’re all still innocent kids in the back seat of dad’s car, and when we look out the window the sun is shining, the world is fair, mom is going to kiss us on the cheek when we get home, and our idols aren’t going anywhere.

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Rick’s Cafe Americain appears on Thursdays. Contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.