Rick’s Cafe: Has The Star-Spangled Banner jumped the shark?

So as we learned earlier today, the Fighting Mennonites of Goshen College in Indiana have dumped the National Anthem at its sporting events, deeming the song too violent, and therefore not in concert with its religious beliefs. Actually, they are not called the Fighting Mennonites at all (sorry). Their sports mascot is the Maple Leaf — the most fearsome of all foliage. This is appropriate, as the Mennonite religion is dedicated to pacifism and has, throughout the centuries, perfected the fine art of fleeing. In fact, the Mennonites are so benign and peace-loving that, in the early 18th century, they were kicked out of Switzerland. You really have to be pacifistic to get bullied by the Swiss.

Goshen had not bothered with playing the National Anthem at all until last year, when they broke out an instrumental-only version at two sporting events. Then a month ago the college board of directors tasked college President Jim Brenneman with finding a new song to play prior to games — one that people could sing along to. Thank goodness Brenneman does not appear to be a country music fan, because that could have been disastrous. “Please rise as we honor America by singing ‘I’ve Got Friends in Low Places.’ “

After much soul searching and iPod listening, Brenneman came up with America the Beautiful. A plucky little song, and patriotic, although not easy to dance to. So this will become Goshen College’s new go-to tune before baseball games, etc.

Much of America was not amused.

It just takes a look at the comments section of our post this morning to get a glimpse of the controversy this has generated. (If your comment didn’t make it, it most likely got flagged for profanity, or references to sexual positions not found in nature). Many of you take it as a slap in America’s face that a college would ban the National Anthem from its campus.

It’s true, the Anthem is based on a violent event: The bombardment of Fort McHenry by British ships during the War of 1812. There’s mention of rockets, bombs bursting in air, and tattered fabrics. The Mennonites say that this is all against their religious beliefs: that perhaps it would have been better if, when the British arrived, we had simply fled … just as chronicled in the film Love and Death, when it was announced that Napoleon had invaded Russia. Woody Allen, playing Boris, says he doesn’t want to fight:

MIKHAIL: “Our brother is a coward!”

BORIS: “Yes, but I’m a militant coward.”

MIKHAIL: “He has a yellow streak running down his back!”

BORIS: “No, not down … it runs across.”

Similarly, pacifism is not fashionable in the United States these days, and those eschewing The Star-Spangled Banner are just seen as lousy communists, or worse … Canadians.

But isn’t Goshen just passing on a song that, at sporting events at least, is long past its prime?

Some fun facts about The Star-Spangled Banner: Although written by Francis Scott Key in 1814, it wasn’t adopted for official use by our military until 1889, by the Navy. And it didn’t officially become our anthem until 1931, when Herbert Hoover decided we needed a pick-me-up during the Great Depression. Before 1931, songs such as Hail, Columbia and My Country, ‘Tis of Thee were more often thought of as our national anthem.

The Star-Spangled Banner was played sporadically at Major League Baseball games as early as 1897, but it didn’t become a permanent institution until World War II, when it was used by owners to deflect criticism that a boy’s game was still being played while men were dying overseas. And the tradition stuck, to the point where it’s now played before every sporting event, be it MLB, NFL, NHL, Little League, Monster Truck Rally, whatever.

We are told time and again that to fail to sing the SSB, or to not respectfully remove one’s chapeau while it’s being played, is akin to taking a Bic lighter to the American flag. And you’d better place your hand over your heart during the process, lest you be thought a feckless traitor. (Those without actual hearts, such as employees of the IRS and reality show producers, are exempt).

Now, no one loves America more than me, except perhaps Apollo Creed. But I say it may be time to put The Star-Spangled Banner out to pasture, and let another song have its turn as our National Anthem. The SSB is impossible to sing, the lyrics are hard to remember and it’s too long. Also there’s always the chance the Christina Aguilera could get her hands on it again. In the age of micro technology, The Star-Spangled Banner is a papyrus scroll in a clay jar. If I instead sing America the Beautiful or Hail, Columbia or Ain’t That America by John Mellancamp, it doesn’t mean that I love the USA any less. I’m still singing, for God’s sake. It’s just different words that mean the same thing.

Our soldiers aren’t fighting for an old poem that was set to the tune of a British drinking song (true story). They’re fighting for a much larger concept, which includes the freedom to change things if we choose. And freedom of religion. Remember that little notion? The Star-Spangled Banner was not chiseled in stone by the Founding Fathers, but scribbled in pencil by a guy who was, coincidentally, sitting out a battle. Like our Constitution, it should be a living document, not Han Solo frozen in carbonite. It should be subject to revisions now and again.

No, freedom isn’t free. But its high notes also shouldn’t be so hard to reach.

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Rick’s Cafe Americain appears on Thursdays. Contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.