Jul 8, 2011, 7:15 PM EDT
Yes, today is the one-year anniversary of The Decision, in which LeBron James took Cleveland’s heart and stomped that sucker flat. But there were other, more dire things at work in that area of Ohio this week. Dire, stupid things. Headline from Fox 8 Cleveland:
Banana at Large After Attacking Gorilla in Strongsville.
Yep. We brought you this story earlier in the week, but let’s allow eyewitnesses to tell it:
“I noticed a kid in the bushes. Then he just emerged, dressed up as a banana, and sprinted as fast as he could at our gorilla,” said Brandon Parham, the manager. “The kid just speared our gorilla.”
Parham and another employee witnessed the attack.
“The kid was in mid-air, flying. He just looked like a Spartan from that movie ’300,’ except he was a banana,” added Parham.
The Wireless Center uses the gorilla as an advertising tool on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays.
“This is just bizarre. It’s really not normal of the food chain. That’s not really how this works. The gorilla should have won,” said Parham.
But there were other stories this week, as insignificant as that sounds. Let’s take a peek:
- Salad ain’t got nuthin’ on this mutton.
- As accusations fly, it’s clear we need to restore order in the world of competitive hot dog eating. Where are the Racing Sausages when you actually need them?
- Le Agarran el Pene! Ayi!
- It’s squirrel vs. Lamborghini — a struggle as old as nature itself.
- Abby Sunderland is back, and she’s taking flying lessons.
- New Zealand cries, Save the Black Cocks!
- Tiger Woods wants to rub you down with soothing cream.
- Leave the Cubs tickets, take the cannoli.
That’s it for another week of fun and games. In a few hours please welcome Ben Chew, who will don his sports dominatrix costume and flog you with mirth until you beg for more. I’ll see you again on Monday, when we enter Tahoe Celebrity Golf Week! Until then, may the banana and the gorilla once again join hands in peace.
- So long folks, it’s time for me to take off 18
- Man wins full marathon while pushing his daughter in a baby stroller (video) 14
- Lock and load, it’s youth baseball fundraising time: league raffling off AR-15 rifle (video) 8
- Sim Bhullar is a large basketball player, and I mean it. Anybody want a peanut? 0
- What’s with kids and all these death-defying stunts? 674
- Nothing to see here…just a 70-yard field goal by a high-schooler (video) 3
- None found