Jun 7, 2011, 11:03 AM EST
Sorry, that headline was cheap and gratuitous and I apologize. It should have read: Soccer coach arrested for holding the pickle at burger joint. At any rate, Lakeland High School (Dickson City, Pa.) girls soccer coach Joseph Kovaleski, 61, is accused of having it his way at a local Burger King, repeatedly exposing his genitalia and fondling himself in front of employees, according to police. On to the quotes, which are awesome.
A restaurant employee contacted borough police several weeks ago with concerns about Mr. Kovaleski. She told police Mr. Kovaleski stopped there a few times a week around 7 a.m., pulled out his genitalia and would “continuously touch it” while seated at a booth and facing employees who were working behind the restaurant’s counter.
The employee called police at about 8:30 a.m. Sunday to report that he was in the restaurant touching himself.
When approached by police, Mr. Kovaleski told them he does not wear underwear and because of that his genitals “could fall out.”
“He stated that Burger King isn’t a public place and that his genitals get itchy and he sometimes has to scratch them,” the affidavit said.
Relevant note in the Times-Tribune comments section:
This nut has been pulling his pickle up to 8 years ago,when i used to stop at BK on the way to work. — John W.
Our staff is currently working on a joke including the terms “Where’s the Beef?”, “Home of the Whopper” and “funnel cake sticks”, and will have it online in 2-6 weeks.
Lakeland coach accused of exposing himself in restaurant [The Times-Tribune]
PA H.S. Soccer Coach Shows Off His Whopper At Burger King, Fuzz Alleges [Busted Coverage]
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