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Week In Fake Sports: Joba Chamberlain holds stuffed-animals-only meeting

Jun 3, 2011, 4:45 PM EDT

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Joba Chamberlain

It’s a roundup of the best fake sports news of the week, now in easy-to-swallow capsule form! These stories are not real, but should be.

[The Onion] Yankees reliever Joba Chamberlain reportedly led a stuffed-animals-only meeting on the floor of the team’s clubhouse Thursday, addressing confidants Wugsy the Bear, Cuddly Monkey, Fluff Fluff the Kitty, and Tiny Horsey. “Nobody else gets to come because they’re too mean and won’t let me be a starting pitcher, and they don’t get a special treat,” said Chamberlain, pretending to eat “strawberry pie sandwiches,” which he also fed to each of the stuffed animals. “You guys all want me in the starting rotation, right? Yes, Tiny Horsey, I am the best thrower on the Yankees. Thank you for saying that. We don’t need those other jerks. We can start our own Yankees right here.” …

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Stanley Cup 2011: Who to root for? [NMA TV]

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THIS WEEK’S HEADLINES:

Justin Upton accidentally takes lead off first base in wrong direction [The Onion]

Jim Tressel ‘Should have stayed and fought,’ says Gaddafi [Borowitz Report]

Winnipeg Jets jerseys no longer worn ironically [Gourmet Spud]

Report: Terrelle Pryor’s Private Jet Not Registered in Ohio [Sports Pickle]

Fat stem cells saved my bacon, says Colon [eTrue Sports]

Tom Brady gathers teammates for Zumba inspired workouts [Tauntr]

Report: Ohio State Favored Good Players When Awarding Helmet Sticker Thingys [Real Fake Sports]

Yoga experts warn that Romney is running out of positions [Bad Reporter]

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Toronto Blue Jays Jose Bautista is ‘The Hitman’ [Outside the Boxscore]

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Last week in fake sports …

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Week In Fake Sports appears each Friday. Contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.