Rick’s Cafe: A disgruntled Lingerie Football League player speaks out

Had a terrifying dream last night, and unlike most of my night terrors, this one did not involve RuPaul as my Little League coach. In this one, the Lingerie Football League was announcing major changes: all players, they decreed, must weigh in excess of 260 pounds. And in the first game under this new provision, I was the ref. Things did not go well. After one terrifying goal-line running play I suddenly awoke, whimpering and sweating profusely, with two large pillows in my face and the cat clawing at the bedroom door trying to get out.

Call it Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes For It On Fourth Down.

But you’ll be happy to know that the real Lingerie Football League is happy and thriving, with no current plans to employ plus-sized underwear. The league has moved to Sunday games in 2011, added three franchises, and has a new pay-per-view deal with MTV2. They’re even thinking of starting a Canadian LFL, which would be interesting, if only for the all-out war to determine which team gets the name Beavers.

But wait, did I say “happy”? About a week ago I got this email, which I immediately knew was not going to be the kind of missive I usually receive (for one thing, the subject line didn’t include “Dear Halfwit”). Here it is, in its entirety:

It is amazing, how with all the publicity that the Lingerie Football League is getting, that no one is talking about how this league is managed. Even with additional TV contracts with MTV2, the numerous expansion cities announced and being touted as the “fastest growing” league in sports right now, the LFL has decided to NO LONGER pay the players. This will allow the league’s owner Mitchell Mortaza to pocket all proceeds of the league. He even went as far as sending a letter to all the current players, myself included, stating that he’s weeding out players who are only in it for the money. Some players received checks for $39 for 1 game last year. Additionally, the league has a history of making documented threats to the players, not taking care of injuries and firing coaches who stand up for players. The concept of the league is great, but mismanagement is a HUGE understatement. This league can no longer be considered professional, when everyone involved gets paid except for the players that are putting their bodies at risk for the sole profit of the LFL.

Regards,

LFL Player

I’m always wary of anonymous letters, but this one had a ring of truth. So I contacted the LFL’s media director, Jennifer Colter, for a response. Excerpts from her statement (I’ll just hit the relevant high points, because it’s long) are below:

You weren’t given the complete picture that constituted certain policy changes within the LFL. In relation to the confidential letter issued from Commissioner Mitchell Mortaza’s office to LFL players and coaches solely, which was not sent to your office, let me address each of your points individually and hopefully your article will be balanced and reflect our responses (Editor’s note: So far I have made no points. But let’s continue).

The policy change came into effect as outlined in Commissioner Mortaza’s letter simply because the former culture under our pay model cultivated a type of player that ultimately had a negative impact both on and off the field-impacting their respective teams and the league. In fact, if you truly study women’s tackle football leagues, you will notice that in no other league are the players compensated, however they play for the love the game. Moreover, not only are players not compensated, but they have to pay league dues in order to play, raise money for their bus or air travel, buy equipment, and even pay for high school fields to play on. In the LFL not only were the players paid, but all of their expenses were completely covered by the league. Further, the exposure and visibility the league affords each team has given many players a degree of celebrity both locally and nationally with magazine covers and television. These perks are not readily available to players in other tackle football leagues, yet they continue to play and love their experience. After carefully examining this and observing complaints from some of the players in the LFL, the policy was changed.

Despite this policy change, not a single player quit as a result of it. There were several players not invited back by the league because we wanted a cultural change and a fresh approach that would ensure the players we maintained on our rosters in 2011, were there for all the right reasons.

There seems to be a perception that the league is making hundreds of millions of dollars at this point. The actual truth is that while that league is profitable, which is a huge accomplishment in sports today, it barely generates enough revenues to produce a season.

A coach has NEVER been reprimanded or released as a result of ‘standing up for their players’.

[There was] a situation last season when two Miami Caliente players conducted an unauthorized photo shoot that included displaying several non-league partner apparel and merchandise. The league issued letters to both players advising them of their violation and that they would be placed on probation. This executive action would not be classified as something as aggressive as a ‘threat’.

As for not taking care of injuries, you are citing (Editor’s note: actually, the anonymous player is citing this, not me) an isolated number of former players who did not follow clear and explicit league direction that is outlined in their player agreements to gain coverage from the league.

This is yet another instance where the media only sheds light on the isolated individuals that have an ax to grind versus the many that follow league policy and receive great medical treatment and have continued to play in the league.

So get ready for all those daily stories on Lingerie Football League players who receive proper medical treatment, I guess. Which will be fine, as long as the league provides photos.

But I’m not here to debate the media’s role in covering the LFL. One of the reasons I’m writing this column is that I had no idea that LFL players were not paid, and I’ll bet that was a surprise to a lot of you as well. However the league rationalizes it, that’s pretty harsh. Even waitresses get a salary. Should the league put tip jars near the end zones?

Despite what the league thinks, the notion of a disgruntled former LFL player is interesting, worth reporting, and frankly kind of hot. I had previously pictured all of them as scantily-clad sprites; happy, magical sea Sirens who went about their work entertaining us loutish males with Geisha smiles, making us forget the cares of the day and occasionally using two tight ends.

But as it turns out, they’re people just like us: looking for advancement, sometimes complaining about their jobs and, when necessary, leaking private memos to sports blogs. And on the other side, the LFL is like any other company struggling to survive in a crappy economy. The only difference is that their employees, um, don’t get paid, and sometimes get knocked senseless.

Anyway, I hope this has enlightened you, for that is the role of journalism. Tonight I sleep the sleep of the righteous, content that I’ve presented both sides of the story. But before bed I’m going to make sure to put out the cat.

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Rick’s Cafe Americain appears each Thursday. Contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.