And so we light a candle tonight for the Sacramento Kings, who lost to the Lakers on Wednesday and then, as Mike Tyson would say, faded into Bolivian. Bereft of life, they live no more. They’ve reached the choir invisible. This is an ex-NBA team.
Or are they? Reporting from the NBA franchise meeting in New York, Sacramento mayor Kevin Johnson said that billionaire grocery magnate Ron Burkle is interested in buying the franchise and keeping it in Sacramento. The Maloof brothers, however, seem in no mood to sell, and the team looks like it’s moving to Anaheim to become the Royals. And that name is why we shouldn’t feel too sorry for Sacramento, because at one time, remember, this franchise was called the Cincinnati Royals. Then it moved to Kansas City. And I don’t see NBA franchises in either of those cities now. Who in Sacramento was crying for Kansas City when the team left for California in 1985?
Comic relief: David Stern has appointed Clay Bennett as head of the NBA’s relocation committee, which means he will rule on Sacramento’s efforts to prove that they’re financially able to keep the team. That’s the same Clay Bennett who is so reviled by Sonics fans for moving their team to Oklahoma City. Oh well, just another example of the assault on small-market pro basketball. Someday all NBA teams will be located in LA, Chicago, Dallas and New York. It’ll save on travel expenses.
But there were other stories this week. Let’s take a look.
- This Barry Bonds war could last for years, and cost thousands of lives.
- The Nick Saban statue has come to life! Run for your lives!
- MMA fighter wins bout while 2 1/2 months pregnant. Yep.
- You call that a water hazard? THIS is a water hazard.
- If you’re a basketball coach who lives in the dorms so you can keep an eye on your players, you might as well catch burglars in your spare time.
- The Lingerie Football League comes to Canada. Beauty, eh.
- Kemba Walker has finished his first book. Now he’s ready to read another one.
- Giants and Dodgers express their hatred for violence, then immediately start a beanball war.
Thanks for reading, as always, and stay tuned for the delightful weekend antics of Rob Sylvester and his cartoon pals. Also don’t forget to record the debut episode of Game of Thrones on Sunday. I hear it doesn’t suck.
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