Rick’s Cafe: Originally, baseball was a lot like Calvinball. And it was glorious

In the early 1800s it was called The Massachusetts Game, and it was unfettered, jaunty and rife with possibilities, like America itself. With early baseball there were none of today’s modern problems, like steroids or gambling, because there were no professional teams. Oh, they had gambling: it just wasn’t a problem. In fact, there was no one way to play baseball, as by most accounts there were three different versions — and maybe more — occurring at the same time across the east. Massachusetts, Philadelphia and New York all had different rules, which varied greatly. Eventually one style would prevail: but in my opinion, it was the wrong one.

You may recall recently when Bud Selig declared that it was his belief that Abner Doubleday invented baseball in a cow pasture in New York in 1839. Bud is an expert on cow pastures — or at least what is commonly deposited in them — and felt that his work here was done. But his statement was the baseball equivalent of choosing creationism over evolution, and the doddering commissioner was figuratively caned by the public for his outburst. So, because reversing his opinion wouldn’t cost the owners any money, he threw the question back into play. Now Selig has appointed a commission to investigate the true genesis of the sport.

Never mind that it’s all a shell game to divert the public’s attention from steroids and other more pressing issues he can’t solve: Forget CNN and MSNBC, and let’s all watch the History Channel!

Anyway, Selig snapped into action and appointed John Thorn, who was named the official historian of Major League Baseball earlier this month, to serve as the chairman of this committee. Thorn is the author of the book Baseball in the Garden of Eden: The Secret History of the Early Game, just recently released. In it, he describes the origins of the game, and how early versions differed.

The real story of baseball is far older than what the Mills Commission determined, says Thorn. Different variations of the game were played in the 18th century in different parts of the country — New York, Philadelphia and Massachusetts each had their own versions — but eventually something like the New York game, which featured the creation of a foul territory and made players stay on the base path while running, won out — though not necessarily because it was a better game.

“I think the New York game won out through superior public relations because I have played recreation games of the Massachusetts game and it is a fantastically fun game both to play and watch,” says Thorn. “The New York game, in many measures, is inferior. [In the Massachusetts game] you did not have to stay on the base path while you were running. So you could lead your opponents on a merry chase into the outfields and beyond.”

By many accounts it was the first version of baseball, having been mentioned in a 1791 Pittsfield, Mass., ordinance banning the playing of the game within 80 yards of the town meeting house. Thorn, indeed, calls Massachusetts baseball’s Garden of Eden. He also said in an NPR interview that he has played and umpired in the Massachusetts Game version, and found it superior to the New York version … which is much closer to the game we play today.

Also of note, especially to those who think Pete Rose should be kept out of the Hall of Fame, is Thorn’s contention that baseball would never have caught on without gambling. Baseball, said Thorn, was originally considered a boys’ game, unworthy of adult attention. That was, before people started gambling on the results.

“You would not have had a box score. You would not have had an assessment of individual skills,” Thorn said. “You would not have had one player of skill moving to another club if there were not gambling in it.”

Fun fact: What we call “pool” now used to be known only as “billiards,” but the name changed due to baseball. In the 19th century it was common to be able to bet on baseball games in the stadiums themselves, with professional gamblers taking bets in “pool areas” in the stands. But as the game became more popular, people began objecting to this, and wagering was banned from stadiums. So the gamblers set up shop in nearby billiard parlors, which then became known as pool joints.

“Someone catch that sphere! You ass!”

I suppose it’s Selig’s belief that by examining baseball’s roots, the sport can attract younger fans and become further entrenched in the culture.  But what a book like Thorn’s has done for me is make me realize that we picked the wrong version of the game to develop.

Baseball, you see, was once not so rigid. You didn’t plod from base to base, and wait forever for a ball to be hit fair. Baseball was once a lot like Calvinball. No foul territory, no basepaths … a game, as Conan says in the video above, to be played with the feel of the cooling wind in your mustache. A game in which the runner could lead a fielder “on a merry chase through the outfield,” and you could record an out by drilling a guy in the ass with the ball.

Now, that’s a real sport.

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Rick’s Cafe Americain appears on Thursdays. Contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.