Fight of the Floppers: Chris Bosh faces off against Chilean soccer player for title of wussiest man (Video)

It’s no secret that my least favorite basketball player in all of the land is Chris Bosh, the one who snaked his way into a friendship with LeBron James and Dwyane Wade when he spent time on the United States’ gold medal-winning Olympic basketball team, and then forced his way into their dreams of glory much like that annoying kid in elementary school who always somehow showed up to hang out even though nobody ever bothers to invite him. LeBron and Wade could have added a cool big guy like Amare Stoudemire, Blake Griffin or Chris Birdman Andersen, but instead they got stuck with Bosh’s lame self.

Whenever they hang out he probably always attempts to take over music selection so he can crow about how truly genius Eminem was in the late 1990′s. Anyway, I basically spend most of the Heat games I watch yelling about how useless Bosh is being on the basketball court along with how it always looks like Wade and LeBron only pass it to him when they’ve given up on the idea of scoring for that possession. Case in point: Last night Bosh went 1-for-18 from the field as I gleefully watched the historic ineptitude from my couch. February 24th will forever be known as the day Chris Bosh displayed his true colors.

Highlighting Bosh’s day of playing like he was Sean Bradley after getting his powers sucked out by the Monstars in Space Jam is an epic display of wussiness, where he attempts to ‘guard’ Carlos Boozer by pretending to get hit by Boozer’s arm as it swung by his face. The only problem was the one-second delay that passed between Boozer’s elbow going by Bosh’s nose and Bosh reacting to it. I bet LeBron can teach Bosh some tips on improving that part of his game. Somehow though, officials were duped. Because they are as inept as Bosh is wussy.

Every great performance in wussiness needs a rival, however, and the Under-20 Ecuador national soccer team has just the person. In a drastic attempt at buying his team any shred of an advantage when they were down 1-0 in the late stages of a very important European football affair, Bryan Carrasco of Ecuador took the hand of an opponent and slapped himself in the face with it in order to receive a free kick for his team.

Self inflicted masochism in the name of helping your soccer team? Ingenious! Original! Bosh is just ripping off Vlade Divac anyway and that may be one of the lamest things you could ever do on the basketball court. I award Chris Bosh the honor of being the lamest man in America. Tune in for the next time Chris Bosh does something extraordinarily lame. Shouldn’t be long.

Wussiest man?online surveys

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DTotD: Chile U-20 player hits himself in face with opponent’s hand [Dirty Tackle]

APOLOGIES, SOCCER: Chris Bosh’s Flop Might Be The Lamest Dive Yet [Business Insider]