Rick’s Cafe: Red Ivan has a bone to pick with golden-voiced sensation Ted Williams

Richard Krupa begins his letter by stating that he hopes that he doesn’t come off as embittered or hateful. It’s just that he, like all of us, has been following the story of Ted Williams, the homeless guy with the golden radio voice who has captured the public imagination. Williams has become ensconced in every corner of the media these days, and Krupa is just about fed up with it.

Krupa, you see, has walked more than a few miles in Williams’ shoes. A former pro wrestler whose most popular personas were those of Vladimir Krupoff, Red Ivan and Boris Krupoff, Krupa too fell on hard times, was down-and-out, spent time in jail and was looking for answers. But he never looked for a handout. His letter to me begins like this:

I’m an ex-con who’s been married 15 yrs and just made my last mortgage payment Jan. 6/11. That’s the exact date that Ted Williams was handed the world on a silver platter. I work as a welder and I’m 49 yrs old, my eyesight is worse than ever and I’m no longer as quick or steady as the younger guys. I don’t have good benefits, 75% dental, 80% drug coverage and “0″ sick days, which is why I’ve only missed a handful of days in the last 15 yrs, because I can’t afford to. The job is steady and pays the bills but luxuries are few and far between. My 2 wk vacation at Xmas allowed me the time to fix stuff at home.

Krupa, too, has been looking for voiceover or TV commercial work since his release from jail 20 years ago, to no avail. Krupa’s last commercial came 23 years ago, for Foster’s Beer (video is below). The tag line, fittingly, is “It’s what’s inside that counts.”

My story is a little similar to Ted’s story. The whole story is actually really interesting with some of the most unlikely characters. I used to wrestle pro and was even the first person auditioned to replace The Sheik in 1987. A severe shoulder injury prevented me from training properly, so the last thing I did was some TV commercials. Since I wrestled as a Russian, I figured I could have my gimmick used in an ad campaign. I figured this 10 yrs ago and wrote everywhere. Finally an insider at an agency told me to post my idea on YouTube, go to my local paper and try to get a radio station interested in what I’m up to. Nobody would give me the time of day. I wrote to ad agencies, companies, radio stations and my local news editor looked at me like I dropped out of a dog’s a**. In fact everybody treated me that way.

Now I know all I had to do was be a homeless deadbeat and the world would come knocking at my door. I’ve met many people in the wrestling business, in jail and sales who could do baritone radio voices. I’ve also met many people who could do a perfect Macho Man interview.

There are people out there who try and help themselves, there are needy homeless people that really want to change, but that’s not the impression I get from Ted. Numerous people will soon come forward about smoking crack with him in the recent past. Trust me on that one, he’s still got the bug-eyed jittery look of a crack head. Being sober doesn’t mean he’s been off the pipe. Two-and-a-half years is enough time to start making a difference in your life. Panhandling and breaking into cars at 54 yrs of age doesn’t impress me as trying very hard.

Indeed, Williams revealed today on the Dr. Phil Show (taped earlier this week) that he has not been clean and sober for the past two years, as he had initially claimed in several radio and print interviews. In fact, he agreed to enter a drug addiction rehabilitation facility on Wednesday, following an physical altercation at a hotel with one of his daughters (Williams was not charged).

Krupa’s email to me arrived two days before all of that occurred.

Krupa was busted in Toronto for conspiracy to traffic three kilos of cocaine in December of 1989, and ended up doing eight months in prison on a lesser charge.

“I was flat broke with nowhere to go,” Krupa told Off the Bench today. “I ended up being a natural for sales and ended up eight months later running the East Coast for a door to door wholesale company in Halifax. I did all my sales pitches the same way I did a wrestling interview. Sometimes the whole office would applaud when I finished because of the effort. I was transferred to Warsaw, Poland after 10 months when they found out I could speak Polish.

“I tried to start my own company and made nothing for two years. My girlfriend became pregnant, I brought her here (Brantford, Ontario) and became a blue collar guy. Now we’ll be married, with two sons, 15 years this Saturday.”

Any prospective employers looking to hear Krupa in action can contact him at richdota0808@rogers.com. His email concludes:

I may not get anywhere with what I started 10 yrs ago but I paid my mortgage and I’m there for my family. Maybe I should’ve been standing with a sign saying I had the ultimate loud pitch and filmed myself under a bridge, rather than filming myself in my basement, which I now own 100 percent.

In my opinion, Ted is about to become broadcasting’s answer to Milli Vanilli. Being a homeless bum is easy. Getting up everyday, doing a job you hate, to clothe and feed your family, and be there for your wife and kids is difficult. I had demons too and got over them. He just got the panhandlers ultimate payday, which is everything for nothing.

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Rick’s Cafe Americain appears every Thursday. Contact: Rickchand@gmail.com.

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