Out intern, Josiah Schlatter, mentioned this story in passing in a previous post today, so it was up to me to gain the details and present them here. In short, he and his friends got into a fight with Santa at a Halloween party. Yes, they are all from Philadelphia. Let’s begin this sordid tale. Josiah:
On Friday night I got into a civil disagreement with a Santa Claus which didn’t much appreciate my portrayal of historically accurate American outlaw Jesse James. Actually I was dressed like this, and Santa started mouthing off, including racial slurs. I was hanging out with friends in the kitchen and all of a sudden I hear the Santa go, “You know what I don’t like, Asian kids, man!” And he looked at me. So I had to stand up for my heritage and I started talking about how inauthentic his beard was and how he wasn’t filling out his costume well enough, and how Santa would “Most definitely be taller than 5-foot-8, so if you really cared you’d be wearing platform shoes right now,” and stuff like that.
Santa didn’t really understand that I was being sarcastic and he started getting in my face, so we were yelling back and forth about nothing basically, and then he started getting physical with me. I turned around — I had about 20 friends with me at the time — so whoever was in the room I grabbed and all of a sudden there were a ton of my friends surrounding this sad sack Santa, who had no idea how it escalated so quickly.
He let out a “Whaaaa?!” and then my friends confronted him and told him to shut up, and he complied. It was great, as we were arguing and more friends of mine passed through the hallway I grabbed them and said, “This Santa’s messing with me!” And they came in and helped me out and I was like, “SEE HOW MANY FRIENDS I HAVE?! Still want to mess around, SANTA!?”
Then later he messed with my friend Dana (a girl) and we all backed her up, including my friend Joe who’s about 6-foot-2 and muscular and dressed as a nurse. He came up to Santa and said, “You better get off of her or I’m going to have to (snaps gloves) operate.”
That Santa was such a d**k.
