Cleveland radio station hires witch doctor to curse LeBron

First, where do you go to hire a witch doctor? I checked Craigslist (New Orleans, naturally) and this is the best I could come up with. Look, when “Rover” of “Rover’s Morning Glory” radio show went on the air this morning and asked listeners to “channel negative energy toward LeBron James,” I really think it was a big mistake. From Rover’s web site:

LeBron James didn’t just leave the Cavaliers, he did it in a way designed to humiliate Cleveland, a city cursed with horrible sports franchises. Now as he prepares to start a new season with the Miami Heat, he’ll have to deal with a curse of his own.

Rover has hired a witch doctor to place a hex on LeBron James. Tune in Tuesday morning at 8:10 AM to channel your negative energy towards LeBron and help the witch doctor. With a little voodoo and a pinch of evil, perhaps we’ll be able to permanently de-throne the “king.”

Key points Rover didn’t consider:

1. James has done a pretty good job of cursing himself up until now. This whole thing could tip the balance in the spirit world, and backfire big time. NBA champion LeBron. Governor LeBron. President LeBron …

2. Tonight’s game is in Boston. What if a meteor hits and takes out thousands of people, as well as LeBron? These are human beings; actual lives snuffed out for a temporary boost in ratings for a Cleveland drive-time morning radio show.

3. If there is anything that True Blood has taught us, it’s that vampires are real, and witch doctors are phonies.

4. The best revenge is living well.

Cleveland is the ex-boyfriend who can’t stop stalking his former lover, wondering who she’s seeing tonight and hoping that she’ll somehow break a heel while descending stairs. It’s sad, really. Come on City by the Lake; are you going to concentrate on making the Cavaliers better, or try to live your lives through the failure of the Heat? Because I gotta tell you, the later sounds like a very sad existence.

Here Cleveland, LeBron has made you a mix tape (video below). My advice is to throw it out and move on with your life.

God, that’s an awful commercial; that should be revenge enough for a lifetime. But knowing you, Cleveland, you’ll keep it; playing it over and over again in your room while drunk dialing the Miami metro area every night at 1 a.m. God, you’re pathetic.

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Cleveland Radio Station Hires Witch Doctor to Put Hex on LeBron James [The Last Angry Fan]
The King James Curse [RoverRadio]