Morning Win: Embittered Cleveland sportswriter's refusal to let go

There are few better ways to start off a morning than with a nice, steaming cup of piss and vinegar, which is why I decided to start off this particular Saturday morning by detailing the brilliant work done by The Plain-Dealer’s resident crank, Bill Livingston, who in a spectacular piece loaded with vitriol, details how he thinks LeBron James’ Facebook page should read.
According to Livingston, “People who aren’t sycophants around LeBron can only see some of his profile information,” so this bitter scribe performed a little exercise in which he envisioned the kind of juicy nuggets which are likely contained within LeBron’s exclusive Facebook page.

There is much to digest in Livingston’ comedic masterpiece, so I’ll just be hitting the high notes. Via The Plain-Dealer:

Basic Info

Birthday: Dec. 30, 1984.
Siblings: LeBron is called The Chosen One for a reason.
Marriage: LOL.
Parents: G-l-o-r-i-a!
Relationship: In a committed one with myself.
Current City: LeBron is taking his talents to South Beach.
Hometown: Akron, Ohio.
Interested in: Becoming a global icon.
Looking for: A ring on my finger.
Political Views: Who cares more about LeBron?
Religious Views: Messianic.

Well played thus far. Let’s take a gander at LeBron’s favorite quotation:

“My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, I was raised to give up. It’s one of the few things I do well.” — George Costanza

Classic quote, and apropos, but there are few things more played than a Seinfeld reference. Not that it has prevented me from doing it in about 50% of the posts I have written during my blogging career. Nevertheless, you know what they say: “You don’t sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.”
Moving on. Finally, a couple of entries from LeBron’s “Recent Activity”:

LeBron invited you to the Event “Summer of LeBron, a Retrospective.”

LeBron suggested you like “Welcome to Miami-Bienvenido a Miami” by Will Smith.
LeBron unfriended Dan Gilbert.
LeBron unfriended Drew Carey.
LeBron and Art Modell are now friends.

Ouch. Any mention of Art Modell by a Clevelander truly reveals the depth of hatred and sense of betrayal that particular person feels about a particular topic.
Well done, Mr. Livingston. Thanks for starting out our morning here at Out of Bounds on such a sardonic note. I hope I can ride that wave of sarcasm and make this a spectacularly snarky day.
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What LeBron James’ Facebook page should look like, Bill Livingston writes [The Plain-Dealer]