A children's treasury of Chris Berman mustache jokes

Chris Berman’s new mustache is an independent organism and has opposable thumbs. Once thought nearly extinct, it was taken off the endangered species list in 1998. Families are hoping to use it as a stopover hideout while illegally crossing the border from Mexico to Arizona. Tiny sign near the philtrum: “Beware of scorpions.” Is same mustache used by Teddy Roosevelt at his Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris.
To paraphrase Jon Stewart: “Chris Berman, sports broadcaster and Civil war mustache collector …”
Perhaps in an attempt to recapture former glory, ESPN’s Berman unveiled Mr. Bushy on Wednesday, and the Internet has been commenting ever since. Following the jump, an amusing sampling the flood of reaction.

From SI.com:

* Looks like Berman had an accident with a chocolate donut! — FinsRUndefeated

* Looks like one of the guys at the fair that runs the ride that you think will kill you if you get on it. — WingnutWTI

* Bow Chica Bow Bow. — RLItts

* The Mustache is circling the wagons, while the hairline goes back, back, back! umhauhyum! — SportsSinner nmnJones

* Someone is a fan of leather bars. — tjnight

The Big Lead:

* If one wants to appear knowledgeable about football it’s never a good move to look more like Matt Millen. — ButtersBC

* He looks like a retarded John Cleese. — Senator Jersey

With Leather:

* We can only hope that it grows out of control and suffocates him. — Tom Selleck

Larry Brown Sports:

* Instead, you’ll see a retro version of Berman rocking the old school stache which seems to be a combination of part Dave Wannstedt, part Bernie Lomax. Check out the Chris Berman mustache pictures present day vs. past:

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Caption This: Chris Berman’s new moustache [The Dan Patrick Show]