The Tiger-Elin divorce is final (damn it, I promised myself I wouldn't cry)
Aug 23, 2010, 12:15 PM EDT
Tiger Woods is officially single. Form an orderly line, ladies. Ending nearly nine months of tumult that began with a golf club attack on Tiger’s SUV, wove its way through mistress revelations galore and wound up in the hands of about a thousand attorneys, Tiger and Elin Nordegren are now officially kaput. And there’s even a joint statement, issued by Nordegren’s Virginia-based law firm, McGuireWoods:
“We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future,” they said in a statement released by Nordegren’s Virginia-based law firm of McGuireWoods. “While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us.”
Yes, you read that correctly: Elin Nordegren’s representation is named McGuireWoods. Beautiful.
Here’s the official statement.
I can’t help but feel a twinge of nostalgia mixed with sadness. Out of Bounds began at roughly the same time as the Tiger Woods mistress saga, and it’s like we’ve grown up together. We always thought that they would find a way to reconcile; that somehow, these two crazy kids would ultimately find a way to make it work. In my dreams, I pictured Tiger and Elin presiding over pumpkin carving with their two kids, laughing as Sam attempted to carve a pirate, and Elin a ghost. Tiger’s pumkpin ends up looking like Joslyn James … there’s an awkward moment of silence, and then everyone bursts out laughing.
Later, during an outing at the beach, Tiger, Elin and the kids romp in the surf. The kids pick up colorful seashells, then one of them points skyward. A plane is towing the banner “I was in a foursome with Tiger.” Elin seizes up a piece of driftwood and chases Tiger around the beach, as the kids splash in the surf. Later, a beachcomber builds a sandcastle that is an exact replica of Tiger’s SUV colliding with a fire hydrant. The man is chased away by lifeguards, as Tiger and Elin stroll by, hand in hand.
But it was not to be. From People Magazine:
The settlement – division of property and assets – was undisclosed, but varying reports have suggested that Elin, 30, could receive anywhere from $100 million in assets to as much as five times that figure. Sources have previously told PEOPLE that custody was the key issue for both, and that the couple wanted to share custody of their two children, Sam Alexis, 3, and Charlie Axel, 1.
Whatever the terms of the divorce are, they have likely changed over the past few months. Sources say that although Elin had signed a prenuptial agreement, it was renegotiated after the sex scandal that derailed Tiger’s personal life and professional career.
Well folks, our long national nightmare is over. Please take a number if you’d like a chance to ask Elin on a date. Counts, viscounts, dukes and billionaires welcome. No barons, please.
Take it, Tammy:
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Woods, Nordegren officially finalize divorce [NBCSports]
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- Bill - Aug 23, 2010 at 5:51 PM
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National nightmare?
Who writes these headlines?
The vast majority of people could not care less about Tiger and his goings on. Count me in as belonging to that group too.
National soap opera maybe but there are far more importman things that qualify as “nightmares” in this nation than some overpaid golfer with an extra wood in his bag.
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- Hole in One - Aug 23, 2010 at 6:23 PM
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Sheila, “Please” read my response to “Bob” and tell me again how I’m the racist? “OK” again read the whole thing not just part of the thing. Then maybe, Just maybe you will have the strength to Pull your Pin Head out of your Ass, Wake up and your confusing bassakward crap to yourself. “Hello McFly”………….
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- Nancy - Aug 23, 2010 at 6:28 PM
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The very first line of the article is: “Tiger Woods is officially single. Form an orderly line, ladies.” NOT!
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- LeRoy Frazier - Aug 23, 2010 at 6:31 PM
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Is this all you have to do?
GET A LIFE
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- joe - Aug 23, 2010 at 7:19 PM
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stupid maybe!!??? but rich!!! Ha,ha,ha!! Lmao .way to go elin.
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- DK Anderson - Aug 23, 2010 at 7:42 PM
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I’m sure Elin is going to be just crushed that you don’t want her, Bob…
/rolleyes
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- stakeX - Aug 23, 2010 at 7:57 PM
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Id actually say they got this over pretty damn quick. Tiger must have just given in to what ever she wanted in order to get it over with because if Elin wanted to she really could have fought him for a while. Either way, hes still rich, still a scumbag, and still going to struggle on the course. At the end of the day, not a whole lot has changed.
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- Joey - Aug 23, 2010 at 8:25 PM
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So the “estimates” have her getting anywhere from $100 million to $500 million. Those are some estimates. Those same “experts” have estimated Tiger’s next major win to either come next year or never.
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- Debby - Aug 23, 2010 at 11:01 PM
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Domestic abuse is not something to joke about. Women are killed every day by someone who smacks them around. Your comment isn’t funny at all, especially to those of us who have lost someone to domestic violence. You need to shut up.
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- Jim - Aug 23, 2010 at 11:28 PM
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No kidding. I clicked on the headline expecting an article on the Iraq war or something else of that magnitude…
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- snworb56 - Aug 24, 2010 at 9:07 AM
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DO NOT include me by calling this a “national nightmare”. Contrary to the belief of 99% of the media, the majority of Americans couldn’t have cared less and have been more concerned with true “national” issues.
Move on please.
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- WoodinVirginia - Aug 24, 2010 at 10:08 AM
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Damn, Tigre.. you sure plucked up this time.. All them Swiss boys are going to take turns getting to that pot of Gold in the Future & you PAID for it..
Guess next time you’ll date a woman of color who won’t leave your sorry A$$.. Guess the hoes will form a line behind Gloria Allred trying to get $$$ out of you from now on.
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- Doocon - Aug 24, 2010 at 11:27 AM
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Quote;
“Life has changed I haven’t praticed as much as I used to, nor should I” “My kids are more important”
I’m glad to hear him say that. No amount money, or majors are more important than taking care of the two miracles he and Elin were blessed with Sam and Charlie.
If he falls short of Jacks record so what.
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- Bringbacktheflex - Aug 24, 2010 at 1:28 PM
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You mean, “She can get back to gold-digging”. Although, the money should last her awhile, at least, before she has to entrap someone else.
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- Bringbacktheflex - Aug 24, 2010 at 1:32 PM
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“Miracles”?? They are just kids. There are a billion of them all over the place and millions more being made every day. To call something that common a “miracle” diminishes the meaning of the word.
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- Doocon - Aug 24, 2010 at 2:42 PM
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Bring back the religion Mr. Flex, and you’ll have a better understanding of the miracle of child birth to which I refer. Perhaps a little more pew time is in order.
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- bringbacktheflex - Aug 24, 2010 at 3:30 PM
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Would that be the child molester version of religion, or maybe just the scam televangelist version? Or maybe it’s the middle east kill-everyone-who-doesn’t-worship-my-god version?
Perhaps you should pull your head out of whatever book of myths you lean on and understand the ridiculousness of your original “miracle” reference. If everything is a miracle then there are no miracles.
I’m sure many of the Al Queda vermin thought 9/11 was a “miracle” of their faith. Why is yours better/worse than theirs?
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- Mike Tyson - Aug 24, 2010 at 5:02 PM
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What’s youw pwoblem? Smacking around bitches is gweat spowt! Look whewe is got me in life! FWEE JAY MAWIOTTI! WELEASE THE CWACKIN!
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- Debby - Aug 25, 2010 at 6:57 PM
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I’m sure this isn’t the real Mike Tyson, but you’re an asswipe, whoever you are.
