This never would have happened if Carl Spackler was the assistant groundskeeper. Dustin Johnson was knocked out of a playoff for the PGA Championship title on Sunday because he used a No. 2 Ticonderoga pencil to mark his scorecard instead of a No. 3 HB Graphite … wait, that’s wrong. Actually he was given a two-stroke penalty for “grounding his club in a bunker,” which was actually a patch of dirt and sand that had been trampled by fans all afternoon. Because I don’t even know what “grounding” your club means, I’m not going to comment on the specific ruling. But as for golf in general, may I just say that any sport that allows spectators to stand on a crucial portion of the playing field is not really as sport. Also, I hear there was an ant hill in this “bunker,” which begs the question: If a colony of ants picks up your ball and moves it to a more favorable lie, are you penalized a stroke?
Look deep, Josh. It’s there. It’s twelve moves away, but it’s there. It’s Monday.
ABOUT LAST NIGHT
What you missed while ending Santa’s sugar-induced rein of terror …
* Chivalry may be dead, but beer will always protect you, ladies.
* Scottie Pippen on Miami’s chances of winning their conference: “I think that Boston is still the best team in the East.”
* Dwight Howard: “Most people in India are doctors.” Dwight Howard, folks.
***
TODAY IN MARK TRAIL …
Hypotheticals tend to confuse mom.
