The National Enquirer, your most trusted source for Tiger Woods philandering news, is reporting that we could be looking at a pretty big celebrity wedding in the near future. Woods, says the Enquirer, wants to marry Rachel Uchitel (mistress No. 1) as soon as his divorce from Elin Nordegren is final. And, you know, have another little Tiger with her. Woods, however, is upset that Uchitel is on the show Celebrity Rehab. And Nordegren is furious at the implications for her children. Nordegren quote, according to the Enquirer’s source:
“There’s no way my children will start looking at that tramp as their stepmother! I won’t have it!”
The plot thickens (or thins, depending on your mood at this point).
Before you go getting all dismissive about the Enquirer, remember that they’re the ones who broke the Tiger-is-cheating story in the first place, with the rest of the media playing catch-up ever since. And they’ve been right about everything pertaining to the story so far.
But still, I wouldn’t go carving any of this in stone. As they say on Letterman’s Stupid Pet Tricks: “This is only an exhibition, not a competition. Please, no wagering.”
While Rachel hopes to kick her addictions to the prescription drug Ambien and alcohol on the VH1 series, the disgraced golfer is terrified that Rehab host Dr. Drew Pinsky will torpedo their romance, according to insiders.
“When Rachel told him that she was going to do the show, Tiger went ballistic!” disclosed an insider. “He’s embarrassed that the next Mrs. Tiger Woods will be known as a former drug addict, and he’s encouraged her to go into a private program. But he’s also worried that Dr. Drew will influence Rachel to leave him, and paint him as a loser who can’t be counted on in a serious relationship.”
Meanwhile, Elin is also spitting venom, according to the Enquirer. The divorce agreement, as I understand it, is that Tiger can’t bring any of his former floozies around the kids … unless they’re married. So, bring on the nuptials. Only one thing is certain; wherever the wedding is held, Joslyn James will find a strip club in which to perform nearby.
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Livid Elin: ‘I won’t have it!’ [National Enquirer]
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- Big Daddy - Aug 4, 2010 at 2:22 PM
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So now it elin’s fault? you as wacked in the head as Tiger.
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- Big Daddy - Aug 4, 2010 at 2:24 PM
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Hell, they’d be the ones saying it!
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- C - Aug 4, 2010 at 3:30 PM
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You ignorant racist. Thank you SO MUCH for gifting us with your words of stupidity. I hope you choke on them, SOON.
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- Winston O' Boogie - Aug 4, 2010 at 3:48 PM
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Really, if you think about it, this isn’t a bad gig for a chick like Rachel. Look, you marry the guy, he’s got more money than common sense anyway….spend about 5 years or so with him, knock out a kid…. catch him messing around… divorce his arse, and KA-CHING… big payday, and set for the rest of your life.
Great business plan, and for a slut like Rachel, a great career move. Super ROI on time invested, don’t you think?
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- Winston O' Boogie - Aug 4, 2010 at 3:53 PM
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Really, if you think about it, this isn’t a bad gig for a chick like Rachel. Look, you marry the guy, he’s got more money than common sense anyway….spend about 5 years or so with him, knock out a kid…. catch him messing around… divorce his arse, and KA-CHING… big payday, and set for the rest of your life.
Great business plan, and for a slut like Rachel, a great career move. Super ROI on time invested, don’t you think?
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- henniebogan, johnk221, titleist99 - Aug 4, 2010 at 4:06 PM
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We wuv wu, tiger, wachel is not good enough for you. Please, we need to you to fill out your four-some.
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- d. o. edwards - Aug 4, 2010 at 4:11 PM
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I never heard so much garbage
I guarantee you Tiger is not going to get married anytime soon and he is not a bad person
He is like many human’s made a bad mistake Letterman, Trump, Clinton, the kennedys — should I go on !Get a life
I am sorry I clicked on
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- letmgo - Aug 4, 2010 at 4:57 PM
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carmen,
typical woman response. thats all you women want is money money money. why dont you try going and making your own money instead of always trying to get something that doesnt belong to you. for your info florida is a 50/50 state. meaning she can only get half of what he made during the marriage. not before which is when most of his contracts were signed. she is also responsible for 50% of the debt if there is any. he also had a pre nup. what that entails nobody knows. as for your idiotic comment about raising her amount 200 mil, sounds to me like your no different than any of the women on here posting ridicoulous comments. one word for all of you. GOLDDIGGERS!!!! get a life and a job and support yourselves. stop relying on men to work so you can sit at home and get fat eating bon bons and having the help clean up after you. how is elin any different from anybody else? she was a freaking nanny to the rich and famous. she was a GOLDDIGGER. she kew he was a playboy when they started dating and all she saw was dollar signs and never having to work again….
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- Lois - Aug 4, 2010 at 5:01 PM
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All I want from him is to play GOLF!
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- queenie - Aug 4, 2010 at 5:24 PM
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Stick a fork in Tiger cause he’s DONE!
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- Lois - Aug 4, 2010 at 8:34 PM
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I’m sure. What a waste!
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- Arcadian - Aug 5, 2010 at 8:16 AM
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All you want is for him to play golf?? boyeee talk about blind.
Golf is what got him into this mess, and golf is what going to kick him out.
I dont see why you people who insist it ELIN fault i just dont see it, it wasnt HER who cheated. Its was Eldrick who cheated, So what if they had issues, All mixed couples have issues with life, but doesnt mean to take a path of adultrey, or lying to each other, Elin had two kids with this A-WIPE. You people who woshes for him to JUST PLAY GOLF need to get a grip and look elsewhere, why promote something like this.
You say you dont care what he does in his personal life?? then im sure you would care if a seriall killer plays golf or a Pedophile would you see where im going with this, of course you have to care what he does in his personal life, because you are paying for it, everytime you buy his product.
So get a life, and Move on!
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- Doocon - Aug 5, 2010 at 11:06 AM
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He had the golf world by it’s golf balls then lost it all after sticking his club in eighteen holes. He should known they were out of bounds and thay were unpalyable la–lies.
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- Lookin at you is disgusting - Aug 5, 2010 at 5:13 PM
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Great another bigot moron pops his head ( or should we say hood) out. Wish we could play Whack a Mole with them and get rid of these bigots forever. Oh since when did Redneck become a racial slur? Honky… maybe stretching it. But in your case and Bill’s I think the appropriate term would be just plain ole White Trash. And as a white person, make that a human being, I think you are no better than a zit on the world’s ass.
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- jeannie - Aug 6, 2010 at 8:25 PM
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What do you mean “Good for him”…He is a dog……He should be too embarassed to even get on the golf course let alone marry that tramp Rachel…..It’s not like he just had an affair. He was sleeping with every female in sight just like a dog…Why wouldn’t Rachel think he would do her the same way….
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- Essa - Aug 10, 2010 at 4:17 PM
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The fact of the matter is none of us really knows what truly went down between Tiger and Elin behind closed doors. Too many people are too quick to pass judgment when what they really need to do is fix what’s wrong in their lives. We’ve all fallen short, so who are we to stand in the place of God and say who does or doesn’t deserve what. Besides, whatever is going on with Tiger, Elin, or Rachel is their business – it’s not impacting the general public in any way. I say, get a life. Start with your own.
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- Essa - Aug 10, 2010 at 4:29 PM
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Rather than stoop to the level that you obviously cannot elevate yourself from, I will simply tell you how sorry I feel for you. Not only are you ethnically ignorant, but also lacking in human decency. I should not be surprised, though. It’s obvious you either had no competent home training or a home – either way, unfortunately humanity is forced to bear witness to yet another example of what happens when the likes of you are allowed to procreate. With all the progress mankind has made throughout the years, a simpleton such as yourself still insists on promoting prejudice. Such a waste of DNA.
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- Essa - Aug 10, 2010 at 4:40 PM
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Two wrongs don’t make a right, so for those unfortunate wastes of X and Y chromosomes who think and feel as you do, I would feel just as sorry for them as I do for you.
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- robert embry - Aug 10, 2010 at 6:36 PM
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i could care less about tiger shooting a 66 or a 90. i think the boys on the tour have finally figured out that they can beat his butt!
i also wonder if he had had his girls checked for stds!!!! if i were him i’d be eating penicillin!!!
remember girls…… a hard d**k has no conscience!!!!!
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- robert embry - Aug 10, 2010 at 6:38 PM
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i could care less about tiger shooting a 66 or a 90. i think the boys on the tour have finally figured out that they can beat his butt!
i also wonder if he had had his girls checked for stds!!!! if i were him i’d be eating penicillin!!!
remember girls…… a hard d**k has no conscience!!!!!
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- ouachita - Aug 16, 2010 at 8:26 AM
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She’s nice, but he has soooo many to chose from – Eeny, meeny, miny, moe . . .
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- Melissa - Aug 20, 2010 at 3:06 PM
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I still cannot seem to understand as to why words such as ‘n*****’ and what Bill called ‘mud babies’ are deemed unexceptable, yet any word that could be considered offensive to caucasions, well, they’re just nonexistant, right?
Oh wait, but then you have ‘honkey’ and ‘cracker,’ and yes, ‘redneck’ is considered an insult, but it seems that if anyone even thinks of taking offense, well we’re just horrible human being.
My god people, they’re words.
You can’t change what people think, or what they say, words can’t be taken back, you may as well not be bothered by them.
Or whatever,
I’ll still have no problem sleeping at night.
As for Tiger, cool story bro.
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- Quist - Aug 26, 2010 at 9:56 PM
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Woods is a Dbag
