Morning Tweet: 'Happy 4th of July – I can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!'

Seriously, what a great, great film. I’m not sure how well it jibes with a happy and safe celebration of our nation’s birth, but I can’t argue with Van Pelt’s enthusiasm for the Kubrick classic. And if Gunnery Sergeant Hartman’s words in the title of this here post doesn’t properly motivate you for the 4th of July – er, Exploding Christmas, as my esteemed colleague Rick Chandler refers to it – how about this one:

Today… is (Exploding) Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines! God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?

Yeah. I thought so. You maggots.

ABOUT LAST NIGHT…

What you missed while trying to teach your 13-month-old son that’s it not polite to bogart the bong…
* Minnesota Twins designated hitter Jim Thome knocked two out of the park for career home runs 573 and 574 in a loss yesterday to the Rays, surpassing Twins legend Hammerin’ Harmon Killebrew for 10th place on the all-time home run list.
* Don’t call it a comeback. No really, don’t call it a comeback. Tiger Woods shot an even par 70 in the AT&T National at the Aronimink Golf Club, placing him a mere 13 shots back of leader Justin Rose.
* (yawn) Serena Williams won her fourth Wimbledon singles title.
* The Onion 4th of July Headline of the Day: Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years Of American Independence
* The Onion 4th of July Headline of the Day, Part II: What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With All These Constitutional Rights?
* The Onion 4th of July Headline of the Day, Part III: I Love My Country-Aw, Who Am I Kidding? My Country Can Go F**k Itself

***
TODAY IN MARK TRAIL…
Leapin’ lizards! Today’s strip is about…lizards.
“And I heard it in the wind, and I saw it in the sky, and I thought it was the end, thought it was the 4th of July.”