Eighteen years ago, it was 11-year-old Randy Neuenfeldt’s turn to race Henry the Puffy Taco, costumed mascot for the Minor League Baseball San Antonio Missions, around the bases. Not only did Puffy have a penchant for losing, the hapless mascot had yet to defeat any person of any age at the event he was born to run in. But when young Randy stepped up to defend the honor of humans everywhere in the clash of hunter and huntee, something new came over our weak-willed heap of faux ground beef and lettuce; the feeling of hope. The Puffy Taco knew that it was finally his day to experience the thrill of victory and spit in the face of all who doubted him. Against Neuenfeldt he pumped his arms and churned his legs and when it was all said and done, Taco was the one with his arms raised, as boos rained down upon his cheesy head. He was surrounded by taco-haters and a crying child, but none of that mattered. He was finally a champion. (Either that, or he won by mistake).
But last week, Randy would get a second chance.
Video following the jump.
Losing to the Puffy Taco was akin to losing a piano competition to a man with no hands, and Randy Neuenfeldt was shamed. As he ran back to the soft embrace of his embarrassed father with tears flowing down his innocent face, he swore to himself that one day, when his legs were longer and his muscles quite a bit stronger, that the Puffy Taco was going down. Last Thursday, that day finally came. Randy got his retribution and the Puffy Taco felt that scorching sadness of shame one more time. From the San Antonio Express-News:
On Thursday, Randy Neuenfeldt — the kid who lost — returned to settle the score with the mascot that outran him in July 1992.
This time, Neuenfeldt walked away victorious, but his experience as an 11-year-old was much different. That day, he was randomly selected to race the Puffy Taco after the sixth inning. Instead of allowing Neuenfeldt to win, the mascot accidentally slid past home plate first, winning the race.
“The taco was running fast, he must’ve had a lot of chili in him or something,” said Randy Neuenfeldt Sr., Neuenfeldt’s dad. “I was flabbergasted.”
“I thought they were all booing me, and when you’re 11 and in front of a few thousand people, you’re nervous to begin with,” said Randy.
The now-29-year-old Randy not only defeated the Puffy Taco, he bashed his senses in with a tomato-and-tortilla-crushing tackle that reminded old Puffy that defeating a kid isn’t always profitable. Because that kid has the ability to grow up and club you senseless. Let this be a lesson for everyone out there; kids are vile, petty and constantly on the lookout for opportunities for retribution. Heck, just last year the kids down the block I constantly dominated in basketball when I was a young lad peed on my car.
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Puffy Taco loses rematch [San Antonio Express-News]
