Introductions are in order. Now presenting Mr. Josiah Schlatter, our new intern. Not only will he be helping me with my oil containment experiments, but he’ll also be writing from time to time. With Josiah’s help, Kramerica will be stronger than ever.
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By Josiah Schlatter
From Slam Online’s Marcel Mutoni comes proof that multi-millionaire athletes really do ride the subway, even with thousands of much better transportation options to choose from. Pau Gasol, you’re making $15 million a year. Why not spring for the exhilarating feeling of arriving to an NBA finals game by helicoptering onto the roof of the Staples Center? Followed by a trip via paraglider down to pre-game warmups dressed as Indiana Jones as you throw out Reader’s Digest magazines (holders of an exclusive rights license to reading material for the toilet seat, you know) to your adoring fans.
We could even arrange for you to save a squealing Ron Artest from the grips of a Darth Vader look-a-like (though LA fans would probably rather have you let him get force choked). But nope, you gotta save the $70,000 this would set you back and take the subway.
I really don’t know why Gasol’s in full uniform already, either. Maybe he’s doing his part to phase out the bane of every skittish sixth grader embarrassed by his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle boxer shorts on the first day of physical education, the locker room. 12-year-old Shakey salutes you.
Does this happen often? I know Matt Bonner used to talk about how he always took whatever Canadians call the subway to Raptors games, and Rex Ryan was recently captured sharing an ‘intimate’ moment with his wife on the subway while coming home from a Yankees game (though I still believe that the look in her eyes ain’t love, it’s fear). If I were a professional athlete the only time I’d ever get caught riding the ‘Subway’ is if it were the name of my Bentley.
