Lead from the Associated Press story on Game 5 Thursday night: A path through the lane suddenly opened up before Ron Artest. Kobe Bryant’s missed 3-pointer dropped right into his hands, and Artest’s awkward layup banked neatly through the net as the buzzer sounded on Game 5 of the Western Conference finals. Contrary to what you just read, the lane didn’t spontaneously open, nor did it part like the Red Sea. Let’s use this as a teachable moment, kids. The first thing you learn on the first day of organized basketball practice is the blocking out drill. It doesn’t take much athletic ability to take a couple of steps and stand in front of someone, which often is all it takes to be a good rebounder, at any level. Let’s go to the videotape. Bryant puts up an airball, and Jason Richardson (2009-10 salary: $13.3 million) becomes a spectator as Artest hustles past him to the hoop for the rebound and layin at the buzzer. Is that how they teach you to block out at Michigan State? I blame Tom Izzo.
As for Artest’s 3-point attempt with 22 seconds left, my cable provider actually added a sitcom laugh track as the shot went up. Well played, Charter Digital Cable.
Friday. I know you can hear me. I’m never letting go. I can’t. I just love you too damn much.
ABOUT LAST NIGHT
What you missed while removing all mentions of Justin Bieber from the Internet …
* Nevada Dept. of Corrections director says he “would have traded a couple sex offenders to get Michael Vick” for his prison football team.
* Nobody say anything to Derek Jeter about the American Idol finale; he taped it. Seriously.
* The movie Space Jam was based on a sacred Mayan text, says linguistics professor. Well, obviously.
***
TODAY IN MARK TRAIL …
Mark shows off his tick bite, which has obviously gone untreated for some time. This explains a lot.
