MLB vows to get Evan Longoria's tallywacker off the internets

Sadly, Major League Baseball has never issued this disclaimer, and is now paying the price: Any rebroadcast, retransmission, or other account of Evan Longoria’s penis without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited.
Our story so far: A woman wrote a post on the blog Barstool Sports claiming that Tampa Bay’s Longoria found her profile on Facebook, and began cyber-stalking her. And it all culminated with Longoria sending her a photo of his One-Eyed Willie. Which she also posted on Barstool. Anyway, that’s what “Jenna” is claiming (we have our doubts). Links to the appendage in question are all over the Internets at this hour, so I’ll wait while you go look for one. (Checks watch). Really people, you’ve never seen one before? And this story should be going away on it’s own right about … oops. Now the MLB is getting involved. New life for this baby!

From the St. Petersburg Times:

Major League Baseball officials are working to get a graphic photo that was posted anonymously and claimed to be of Evan Longoria taken off the web.

“There’s nothing to comment on; there’s nothing to pursue,” said Paul Cohen, Longoria’s agent. “It’s a joke. This has nothing to do with him. There’s no story. The appropriate people are dealing with it. This really has nothing to do with him.”

MLB spokesman Pat Courtney said MLB security personnel are “pursuing the situation and working to get the pictures taken down,” most likely through cease-and-desist orders.

Longoria, through the Rays, said of the issue: “I am not going to dignify that with a response.”

Unfortunate headline right under that story in the Times’ notes story: RHP Jeff Niemann Is Standing Tall.
OK, first of all, there should be no problem getting an offending photo or video taken off the web, right? (Just ask Erin Andrews). Longoria’s response to all of this was the correct one: ‘It’s not mine. Let’s all move on.’ But the MLB, in its infinite Draconian wisdom, must pursue and taser any threat to its monarchy. It’s like the film Porky’s, and the MLB is Mrs. Ballbricker. We can have a penis lineup! Relax, guys. People having been playing jokes like this since the Internet was invented.
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MLB checking photo flap [St. Petersburg Times]
Evan Longoria PENIS PICTURE? Photo Surfaces Online [Huffington Post]