Kiffin's magical run through the Sexiest Woman Alive tournament is over

We have failed, fellow anonymous internet friends. In what should have been a coronation for a Brave New World of male college football coaches winning meaningless poll-driven contests on a men’s style magazine’s website has reached an unfortunate, premature end.
That’s right. After mowing through comely opponents Natalie Gulbis and Danica Patrick in the first two rounds, Lane Kiffin has been convincingly ousted by a whopping margin (59%-41%) from Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive Madness tournament by soccer hottie Heather Mitts (requisite drool-inducing Google image search here) in the Sweet Sixteen round.
We came so close, ladies and germs, but despite our efforts, poor ol’ Lane has suffered a brutal and heartbreaking loss. He coulda had class. He coulda been a contender. He coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what he is, let’s face it.
The great Spencer Hall from Every Day Should Be Saturday penned a touching eulogy which I think perfectly captures the despair we are all feeling at this moment:

We’ll never listen to your bar recommendations or pithy men’s fashion prescriptions again, Esquire, nor heed your admonitions about not owning a quality wristwatch. We will buy you from time to time when you put an astonishingly attractive woman on the cover and we need something to read on the airplane, because we enjoy the uncomfortable smile you can flash at the scowling old woman sitting next to you in the middle seat when she notices you staring at the cover. But besides that delightful, awkward moment? No way. You’re on probation, so to speak. <----IRONIC PHRASING Y'ALL.

Well put. It’s a day that will live in infamy, folks. Or it will be quickly forgotten. One of the two.
***
SWEET 16 LEADERBOARD [Esquire]
THE DREAM IS OVER: KIFFIN EARNS MORAL VICTORY OVER MITTS [EDSBS]
Lane Kiffin is losing to Danica Patrick in Sexiest Woman Alive tourney! [Out of Bounds]
Lane Kiffin: Still Sexier Than Natalie Gulbis [Out of Bounds]