First off, how did I not know NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was a member of the Twitterverse? With nearly 47,000 followers, I guess I’m the last to know.
Evidently, recent draftees at the NFL draft are not short on excitement and adrenaline, as they appear to have kicked the crap out of Goodell. So much, in fact, he required treatment of some kind to help alleviate the pain. But thankfully, the Commish was ready and raring to go when Round Two got underway.
Now, I’m not going to call him soft, because I’m afraid he could somehow figure out a way to suspend me for the first four Vikings games next season, thereby preventing me the pleasure of watching them. The guy is like totally powerful, people. Believe it.
Rainy days and Saturdays always get me down. Yes, I am aware that it is not how the song goes, but I prefer doing things a bit differently than Karen Carpenter. Like actually eating food, for example.
ABOUT LAST NIGHT…
What you missed while getting booted off the Papau police force in Indonesia because of your recent penis enlargement surgery…
* Jimmy Clausen was finally drafted by the Carolina Panthers, but animated gif savant LSUfreek had some fun at the quarterback’s expense first.
* LPGA superstar Lorena Ochoa on her retirement: she wants a new life. Good for her. Winning all those tournaments and accolades must really stink.
* Seattle Mariner Milton Bradley: still not a big fan of the city of Chicago.
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The Onion Headline of the Day: Little League Coach Reveals Creepy Method For Breaking In Baseball Mitt
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TODAY IN JUDGE PARKER…
Hoo boy, I’m sensing a cat fight in the offing!
