I’ve been reluctant to write on any of the Jesse James/Sandra Bullock/Tattoo Nazi Lady stuff here for two reasons: 1. It doesn’t really have anything to do with sports, and this is, after all, a sports blog; and 2. I’m already at maximum capacity for cheatin’ husband sagas with this Tiger Woods mess. But here’s a nugget I think we can all get behind. Radar Online is reporting today that, in a desperate attempt to save his marriage, Jesse James agreed to attend sex addiction counseling, and allegedly uttered this immortal line:
In a last-ditch attempt to save his marriage, Jesse James told Sandra Bullock last week, “I’ll get help like Tiger Woods did.”
(Fail buzzer). Let me go over all the ways this was a mistake.
* The last thing you want to do is bring up the name of Tiger Woods. It’s like invoking up the name John Elway around a Cleveland Browns fan.
* Sex addiction therapy has jumped the shark; it’s like promising your wife you’ll get back into shape by taking a pilates class. Volunteer for electroshock therapy, or nothing at all. (Personally, I also think a Golden Girls marathon would do the trick).
* Face it: You cheated on Sandra Bullock with the biker chick from The Jerk. There is no hope. Time to go live on an island and compete with Hurley for foodstuffs.
* If Tiger fails, relapses or, in other words, is caught in a hotel room with six hookers and a Tony Montana-sized helping of blow, you’re doubly screwed. And not in a good way.
From Radar:
Jesse checked into rehab late last week in Tucson, Arizona where he has access to a sexual addiction program. Tiger was an inpatient at Gentle Path in Hattiesburg, Mississippi but then had follow up care and went to Arizona.
“Sandra didn’t care about Jesse’s promise to get help,” a source close to the couple told RadarOnline.com. “She’s so devastated that he’s been cheating on her, and cheating for so long and with so many different women.
“Who knows what he’s exposed her too? But his actions exploded her world.”
Bullock has stayed out of sight since the scandal broke and would not go back to the house she shared with James while he was there. She didn’t encourage him to go get help and she didn’t care if he did, the source told RadarOnline.com.
Link that I did not click on within the Radar story: PHOTOS: Jesse James’s Mistress Melissa Smith Buys Home Pregnancy Test
Meanwhile, I give you the best Tiger Woods/Jesse James-related headline of the week:
The assassination of Jesse James by the coward Tiger Woods
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Jesse James told Sandra Bullock: ‘I’ll get help like Tiger did’ [RadarOnline]
