Here's your obligatory 'what's going on with Tiger Woods today?' post

What kind of day would it be without a trip around the ‘tubes to see what’s going on in the Life and Times of Tiger Woods? A very boring world where there would be little reason for dragging your worthless butt out of bed, I would say!
So, brace yourselves, we’re going to hit it hard and take it fast. That’s what she said.

First up on the “Tigar” (that’s a combination of Tiger and radar – clever, eh?), do you ever, like Tiger Woods, regret sending an ill-advised text message and wish you could just make it disappear? There’s an app for that and it’s called TigerText – a coincidence, I’m sure.
Via PC World:

f you’ve ever sent a text message that you’ve later regretted sending (Tiger Woods, I’m looking at you), then a new texting application just released for the iPhone could be your new best friend. Called TigerText (ironic, isn’t it?) from a company of the same name, the texting app lets users set a time limit for text messages — and when the time is up, the messages will self-destruct and be wiped from the original phone, the receiving phone, and the server.

It’s perfect for cheating spouses, shady politicians, sexting teens, and people who send a lot of stupid texts while drunk.

Essentially, if you are a complete moron who cannot control your compulsive, idiotic behavior, this is the app for you! I would recommend that the company doesn’t use that as its slogan, though.
Next up, the Auckland Sunday News caught up with U.S. Open champ Michael Campbell and, of course, asked him about Tiger, because what else is there really to talk about, right?
Via SPORTSbyBROOKS:

“He hasn’t done golf any favours. It’s put doubt in the other wives and girlfriends’ minds, [about] that `what happens on tour, stays on tour’ kind of attitude. I admire him as a golfer and also as a bloke. He’s a good guy to hang out with, but I feel sorry for Elin [Woods' wife] and the kids, so it’s very much a Catch 22 for me.

“When we’re there with him on the course he’s a golfer to us, not so much a married man with two kids, he’s a golfer. But being a married man myself with two kids, as I say, I just feel sorry for Elin. Those sorts of things should never happen.

“But we can’t pass judgement because we just don’t know what’s happened in his life.

“I don’t know when he’ll come back to golf or what I’ll say to Tiger when I see him. It all depends on how I feel at the time. I think right now he needs support from his peers.

“I didn’t feel his speech was heartfelt. It was too scripted. For me, if he’d spoken off the cuff, the apology would have come across a lot better.”

Do you know what word is woefully underused here in America? Bloke. It’s a fun word. Try saying it once: bloke. Bloke bloke bloke bloke bloke. Oops, sorry, got carried away there for a second.
On “Weekend Update” on SNL last night, Seth Myers cracked wise about Gatorade dropping Tiger.
Via Freedom Eden:

SETH MEYERS: Gatorade this week officially dropped Tiger Woods as their spokesperson after realizing that his thirst would never be quenched.

Ugh.
Finally, our favorite scorned woman, Elin, is back in Florida after spending a week with her hubby in Arizona.
Via New York Daily News:

The couple and their two children flew to Scottsdale, Ariz., last Monday after the golf great’s public mea culpa over his extra-marital affairs.

The trip had been planned before his televised apology, the Web site said.
Nordegren flew back into Orlando Saturday in a private jet that landed about 8 p.m. She and their two children have been living separately from Woods in the Orlando area.
The week in Arizona was the longest period of time the Swedish stunner has spent with her cheating husband since his Thanksgiving car accident unleashed reports of his escapades with porn stars and party girls.
The couple played tennis together before Woods’ televised apology Feb. 19 and had dinner together two nights in a row, but Elin has refused her hubby’s pleas that the family sit for a formal portrait, the Web site said.

I wonder if Tiger let Elin win their tennis match. It probably would have been a good idea to at least drop a set or two.
There you have it. That wasn’t so painful, now was it? Maybe a little uncomfortable but still informative. Kind of like a hernia check, without the turning your head and coughing crap.
***
TigerText: The App for Spies and Cheaters [PC World]
U.S. Open Champ: Tiger speech “wasn’t heartfelt” [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
SNL: Tiger Woods, Gatorade [Freedom Eden]
Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren back home in Florida after spending week with golfer in Arizona [New York Daily News]