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Morning Tweet: Interview with a chair

Feb 24, 2010, 9:00 AM EDT

Hard to believe that it’s been 25 years since the U.S. launched its first plastic chair into orbit, a feat that has not been equaled to this day (take that, Russia). Wednesday was the 25th anniversary of Bobby Knight’s infamous 1985 chair-flinging incident, a Shot Heard ‘Round the World during Indiana’s game against Purdue. Funny how time changes perspectives. Knight is now a rather bland basketball analyst for ESPN, so far removed from that Hooisers coaching firebrand as to have been reborn as a monk. He’s not talking about that day he tossed furniture and became a misanthropic icon, but in an exclusive “get,” we did track down the chair.
Out of Bounds: Hello chair, thanks for stopping by.
Chair: My pleasure.
OOB: This is quite an honor. What have you been doing lately?
Chair: Well, immediately following the incident, I did a lot of speaking engagements. I seated many celebrities and athletes in the year following the infamous game, and there was even talk of me being installed permanently in the Smithsonian. Nothing came of that though.
OOB: Tell us what that night was like.
Chair: It seems like yesterday; I was supporting someone’s butt (it’s hard to tell who from my angle), and then all of a sudden I was literally thrust into the limelight. Skittering across the hardwood, my metal parts gleaming in the lights. Everyone’s attention was on me. I was the center of the universe. Cameras popping … time stood still for what seemed like hours. I was a star.
OOB: And now?
Chair: I’ve been in the Assembly Hall equipment basement since 1991. My only neighbors are other chairs, many broken and maimed from other Knight tirades. If you thought throwing one chair during a game was something, you should have seen coach during practice. I once saw him attack a stack of about 30 chairs, and afterward only three remained unthrown.
OOB: Still, you don’t sound bitter.
Chair: You can’t look back with regret. Mine is a cautionary tale; one minute you’re on top, the next you’re stacked among the other has-beens in a small, dark room. In the final analysis, we’re all just marking time before becoming obsolete furniture. So enjoy your moment, whenever that may be. For soon you’ll have Mark Mangino sitting on your face, watching daytime TV.
OOB: Thank you, chair, for talking with us today.
Chair: My pleasure. And when you get home, tell the sofa ‘what up.’ She’ll know who it’s from.
The Jedi are extinct, their fire has gone out of the universe. You, Wednesday, are all that’s left of their religion.

ABOUT LAST NIGHT …

What you missed while helping Colorado Springs crack down on puppet cleavage

* Tiger Woods’ apology ranked second on celebrity apology sincerity scale, according to national study. But they could be lying.

* Manny Ramirez to play in Japan in three years? That’s super terrific happy fun time news.

* Ole Miss students vote overwhelmingly to create a new mascot to replace Colonel Reb. My submission: Skippy the Mudskipper.

***
TODAY IN MARK TRAIL
I’m beginning to suspect that Mark Trail hasn’t really been updated since 1949.

  1. Threat Level: Midnight - Feb 24, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    Fleitch Lives!

  2. Rick Chandler - Feb 24, 2010 at 5:15 PM

    TLM, where have you been? Chaos has reigned here in the comments since you’ve been gone.

  3. Threat Level: Midnight - Feb 25, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    My humblest apologies. Actual work called. But fear not, obscure movie references will be back in full force.

  4. Ken Francis - Feb 25, 2010 at 11:30 PM

    After that incident I always wanted to see to see Bobby do a TV commerical for a furniture company. The could have the clip of the toss, while his voice-over would be something like: “Buy our living room set during our anniversary sale and we’ll throw in an extra chair absolutely free!”