Attention, Japanese synchronized swimmers: dyeing hair perform great dishonor to sport

It’s about time somebody put their foot down regarding the corruptness and ignominy commonly found in the sport of synchronized swimming.
We have the Japanese to thank for having the courage to say “enough is enough” from a sport rife with disgraceful behavior and public scandal.
That’s right. From this point forward, Japanese synchronized swimmers could face lifetime bans if they show up at events with dyed hair, or – *GASP* – decorated fingernails.
The nerve, I tell you.

Beginning April 1st, the following perfectly-acceptable and not-overreaching-at-all conditions will be implemented by the Japanese:

Swimmers could face lifetime bans if they turn up for competitions with dyed hair, elaborately painted nails or pierced ears. The tough measures were drafted last year to prevent the country’s athletes breaching discipline and looking more like rock stars. Swimmers caught drinking alcohol or sneaking into each others rooms at the Japanese training camp will also find themselves in hot water, the report said, without referring to a specific temperature.

Dang kids with their goofy hair, crazy fingernails and pierced ears. In my day, synchronized swimmers wore potato sack-like swimsuits, tied their hair up in a bun and not only did they have the good sense to not extravagantly paint their nails, they literally would peel their nails off with pliers, lest a stray hangnail or rogue cuticle distract – or even worse – disgrace the sanctity of the beautiful sport. And do you know what? WE LIKED IT!
The harsh response by the Japanese is likely due to a rash of incidents that have cast a shadow of shame on the sport in their country. As mentioned above, swimmers have been caught sneaking into rooms of the opposite sex, but even worse, there have been whispers of casual marijuana use by team members.
Pot smoking by swimmers? What the fungus? I cannot say how, but it’s a safe bet that Michael Phelps is somehow behind this intolerable behavior.
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Japan bans dyed hair on synchronised swimmers [The Guardian]
Japan pours cold water on fashionista swimmers [Reuters]