Stubby Clapp's Video Vault: Ranking the six finalists for the Doritos Super Bowl ad contest

Every weekday (and on weekends, occasionally), or at least every weekday in which we can find more than one, we’ll present the day’s best in little noted sports video gems. Please feel free to riff with your own dialogue. Who is Stubby Clapp, you ask? Sir, you wound our esteemed editor.
Let me just start off by freely admitting that I have a full-blown, hardcore Doritos addiction. Nacho Cheese-flavored, of course. Cool Ranch? Please. Those triangles of tastelessness are terrible. And those Collisions abominations? I say good day to you, sir! Nope, I am all about the O.G. flavor of nacho cheese. In fact, I cannot get enough of them.
Which brings me fittingly to the fine Frito-Lay product’s Crash The Super Bowl promotion.

According to the official rules, here’s how the promotion played out:

Here’s the setup for the biggest Crash ever. Get together your idea for a Doritos® brand Super Bowl XLIV commercial. Go for action-packed. Or go for funny. It’s up to you. Then write it, shoot it and submit it.

Make it as one of the six finalists and win $25,000. Then, if America votes it in our Top 3 submissions, your video will be aired as a Doritos® brand commercial during Super Bowl XLIV.

But that’s not it. If you get first place on the USA Today Ad Meter, we’ll give you $1,000,000. Second wins $600,000, and third wins $400,000. If we take the Top 3, everyone gets another $1,000,000. Sound good? We thought so.

Sounds pretty sweet. I would have entered a submission myself if I hadn’t pawned my video camera for – you guessed it – Doritos. It’s like crack for people with the munchies, I tell ya.
Below you will find the six finalists who are eligible for fame and possibly, one million smackeroos. I have ranked them according to an incredibly sophisticated method that only I understand. Please do not ask what that method is, because I have already forgotten.
Weed’s #1: “Snack Attack Samurai” by CBer

I’ll be perfectly honest with you, I do have an ulterior motive for ranking this submission as my favorite. This particular ad was created by a pair of filmmakers from Minnesota, and my predilection for provincialism pretty much forced me to rank this one as the best. Also, it’s pretty funny

Weed’s #2: “Kids These Days” by NDimondi

I’ll put this plainly: any commercial that features a d-bag sporting a popped collar getting tasered gets high marks from me. In fact, you should be allowed to taser hipster popped collar guys solely on principle without any legal ramifications.
Weed’s #3: “Casket” by ms

Well played, especially when it is taken into consideration that the tongue-in-cheek look at resurrection was submitted by Mosaic, a Los Angeles-based megachurch.
Weed’s #4: “House Rules” by de_jesus77

Love the kid and love how he has his priorities in order: 1) the well-being of his mom and 2) his bowl of Doritos. Good on you, son.
Weed’s #5: “Underdog” by jwsvoboa

This one is okay, but I would have enjoyed it more if the guy had his collar popped. Yes, I am now obsessed with hating on people with popped collars. But really, can you blame me?
Weed’s #6: “The Smackout” by BHAYWARD

Hey look! Two guys slapping each other! Meh. Although a little “Yakety Sax” music and speeding up the ad to Benny Hill skit-speed might have raised it from its last place finish.
Also, scantily clad women always help. Popped collars, you say? Why not?
So, there are my thoughts? Agree, disagree? Think I’m a moron who should seek treatment for my Doritos habit? I can see my first meeting now:
“My name is Weed and I”m addicted to,,,Doritos.”
“You in here because of some Doritos?”
“Doritos are not a drug.”
“Boo this man!”
And so on and so forth.
Just let me know your thoughts on the ads. We can talk about rehab another time. Oh, and be sure to go and vote for your favorite – unless you fancy yourself some sort of commie or something.