Dec 31, 2009, 9:00 AM EDT
Well that’s it; God is officially pissed. The head of the Russian Space Agency said on Wednesday that an asteroid called Apophis is hurtling toward Earth, and may hit us in 20 years, killing millions. Apparently the Lord is a sports fan, and has had enough with O.J. and Michael Vick and Mike Leach and, most of all, Tiger Woods. This is either a cosmic purpose pitch to brush us back off the plate and restore a little humility, or it’s boom goes the dynamite, and He’s going to start again from scratch. This isn’t the first time this has happened, either; seen any dinosaurs around lately? I don’t even want to know what they did to tick Him off.
This is serious, people. Unlike a Nick Folk field goal attempt, this thing may actually hit the mark. The good news: 2010 should not be effected. So, live it up tonight. As for me, I’ll be wearing my 49ers Slanket, watching Deadwood DVDs and eating kettle korn. I have a feeling that Pacman Jones has different plans.
A toast! Here’s to Thursday, and to the new year … and may all of your troubles last as long as the Washington Nationals’ pennant hopes.
ABOUT LAST NIGHT …
What you missed while doing a little after-Christmas shopping …
* Nebraska detassels Arizona in Holiday Bowl.
* The Bengals may rest their starters, and the Jets say that no alcohol will be served. Will anyone show up for the last football game at Giants Stadium?
* Both LeBron James and Tiger Woods celebrated their birthdays on Wednesday. Guess which one scored 48 points in a win over the Hawks?
TODAY IN MARK TRAIL …
Whoa, this little nature presentation takes a dramatic secular turn in panel 5. Anyone ever consider that the donkey may be Jewish?
- So long folks, it’s time for me to take off 18
- Man wins full marathon while pushing his daughter in a baby stroller (video) 14
- Lock and load, it’s youth baseball fundraising time: league raffling off AR-15 rifle (video) 8
- Sim Bhullar is a large basketball player, and I mean it. Anybody want a peanut? 0
- What’s with kids and all these death-defying stunts? 674
- Nothing to see here…just a 70-yard field goal by a high-schooler (video) 3
- None found
- Grizzlies aim to stem Spurs' momentum
- HBT: Yankees buying share of expansion MLS team
- PHT: Kings searching for killer instinct in Game 4
- PFT: Romo out of OTAs after back surgery
- PFT: NFL want to make Pro Bowl like game show
- PFT: Bucs saw Revis injury as opportunity
- Wings stun Hawks again, take 2-1 series lead
- Play Video: 'Hawks potential tying goal waved off
- Play Video: National anthems gone wrong
- Play Video: Blackhawks score on controversial play
- Play Video: Who is the best free agent left on the market?
- Play Video: Highlights: Red Wings top Blackhawks in Game 3
- Play Video: Pujols losing battle with Father Time?