The London Sun is saying today that Tiger Woods spends his days in seclusion in his Orlando home “watching cartoons and eating cereal.” But which cartoons? That’s the question. You call yourself the tabloid press, London Sun, and you can’t answer that? You might go with Huckleberry Hound, because let’s face it, that’s a hilarious mental picture — Tiger on the sofa in his jammies at 2 p.m., watching Huckleberry Hound and eating Lucky Charms. But I’m going to say The Roadrunner.
Because there is no better metaphor for this whole tale than Tiger looking up pitifully at a giant boulder about to fall on him, and then opening a tiny parasol.
Elin: “Meep, meep.”
From The Sun:
Tiger Woods is close to “cracking up” after spending days alone watching cartoons and eating cereal.
Close friends fear the golf superstar, 33, can’t cope in the wake of his sex scandal.
Woods is thought to be holed up in one of his two Florida homes and cannot even watch his favourite sports channel — as it carries regular updates on his romps with up to 11 lovers.
A source said: “There is a real concern among his friends that he is dealing with the situation in a very unhealthy way.”
We assume they mean SportsCenter, and I’d imagine that’s not the only channel he’s avoiding. Tiger, in fact, is pretty much limited to The Cartoon Channel and Iron Chef, if he wants to avoid his scandal news.
Meanwhile, Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle postulates that, instead of ruining Tiger, the scandal could make him 10 times bigger. In addition to coining the term “golfing Elvis,” Ostler quotes longtime PR man Lee Householder, who says :
“This could be unbelievable for golf. If Tiger gets divorced and starts dating, look out. It was one thing for people to watch golf to see Tiger’s skill. Now he could take golf to the rock ‘n’ roll level.”
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Chronicle …
***
Tiger ‘Cracks Up’ [London Sun]
Could Tiger become bigger than he was before? [San Francisco Chronicle]
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- BC - Dec 17, 2009 at 12:51 PM
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It would be a riot if Tiger came back next year and looked like Nate Newton.
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- BC - Dec 17, 2009 at 12:52 PM
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And as far as the Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner analogy, there’s a joke in there somewhere about the chasing of tail, but not sure what it is, words fail me.
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- Dan - Dec 17, 2009 at 12:53 PM
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Texting while the dog is being taken away on a stretcher? You can say goodbye to Animal Planet for awhile as well.
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- Phil - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:28 PM
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More like Pepe LePew mistakenly chasing the cat with white paint on her tail. He had no idea what he was chasing and what it was going to do to him.
Tiger, Tiger, get you s**t together man!
Sa la vie!!
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- Mac - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:32 PM
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OK, Tiger. It’s time to man-up and get this all behind you. You can’t sit behind the Florida door and wait for the end to come. Go ahead, call a press conference – tell everyone what happened (oh, by the way, TELL THE TRUTH). Then sit down and write Elin the $500,000,000.00 check – in fact, make it one of those poster board size checks we all see when you win a big one – and show it to the press.
Then, for God’s sake, get on with life. You screwed up. So has just about everyone else out here. I’ll forgive you – I’ll bet most of your fans will, too. Just don’t sit there pouting and crying in you cereal milk. It’s unmanly – hell, it’s more embarrasing than all the women coming out of the woodwork.
Bottom line is – we’re all tired of hearing about this crap, and you are the only person on the face of this planet capabale of shutting all these idiots up. As one of your “still” sponsors says, “Just Do It!”
And, for what it’s worth – don’t expect Elin to forgive you. Not gonna happen. Live with it.
Mac
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- Phil - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:37 PM
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They mention that he is in his jammies watching the cartoons…are those footy pajamas?
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- Dave - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:39 PM
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I agree with Mac. The media is killing me, but only Tiger can make this go away. I already forgive him, but please make the circus go away. Oh, FYI, your not the only guy in the world that has cheated on his wife!
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- Brian - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:39 PM
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Maybe he can pick up some endorsements from the ACME company
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- mick-7-1961 - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:40 PM
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Your quoting the SUN…that’s great..as if they or anyone else knows what’s going on in Tiger’s house. You’re starting to read like the SUN. Unbelievable.
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- cindy - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:40 PM
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Totally agree with Mac!
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- KT - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:45 PM
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Mac has made more sense than any analyst, lawyer or whatever who talks on the subject of Tiger.
Man up and move on!!!
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- Rods - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:50 PM
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I think Tiger Woods won’t come back to play golf until people stop making fun of him. He seems like a very private person and everyone knows he can afford not to work (play golf) for the rest of his life, if he wants to. So, it’s up to us people, what do we want?
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- ms - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:52 PM
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If I could get Mac to go talk to you Tiger, I would. He’s made more sense than anything I’ve read for weeks. Time to fight back.
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- ckelli - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:53 PM
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Mac is right, man up and move on. Hopefully, Tiger has learned a lesson or two. There are more important things in this world the the status of his libido.
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- VonSnickle - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:55 PM
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There is nothing more theraputic than pounding golf balls especially in Hawaii. Mac’s a genius. Pack up Tiger and give the rest of pro’s a lesson on what it is to be the greatest golfer ever.
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- Terri - Dec 17, 2009 at 1:56 PM
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Well put … its about time someone tell it like it is
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- Aunt Bess - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:00 PM
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How about going somewhere far away, low key and help needy people you meet along the way, helping them discreetly, instead of all these women riding your coattails. Go for a higher level of life and someday be God’s best for a kind woman not wrapped up in false beauty.
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- tom moore fort worth tx - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:06 PM
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the longer tiger remains in hiding,the more his return will be like a ressurection
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- GUNS527 - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:10 PM
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Tiger, Tiger, Tiger,
We don’t need any excuses for your behavior! You know it, we know it! No-Charles, or Michael, or Kobe didn’t set an example for you.
You are a big boy (?) and should know better. I was responsible for my actions irregardless if older fellas couldn’t keep out of someone else’s hen house. SHAME ON YOU! You deserve to lose a lot especially a beautiful wife who really should have had a chain around your neck & a padlock on your zipper, huh? You LIED! You CHEATED! You LIED some more! You CHEATED some more, etc! Hey, were you ever worried about STD? Elin doesn’t deserve the likes of you. You lied to the public when you said ‘Family’. Go to the doghouse and learn to keep your bone away from others. I have no pity for you, because I suspected you were a fraud from the beginning, low scores are a teeny fraction of what life is really all about.
GOODBYE Tiger. Hope to never hear about you again.
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- Tansho - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:16 PM
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You screwed you, you’re going to pay through the nose for your mistake. Man up, go on TV, tell the TRUTH. Then go outside, grab your sticks and grip it and rip it.
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- Rock Strongo - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:25 PM
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Personally I think Eldrick is catching up on all the “Cheaters” episodes on his DVR, silently weeping to Joey Greco’s admonishments.
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- howard - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:27 PM
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Cold turkey from sex must be tough. Can’t see any women while wife puts divorce case together, and she is taking her sweet time. He is in horny man purgatory.
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- Chet Kantor - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:27 PM
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Tiger,
Buy 2 minutes of commercial time during the Super Bowl. Make a real sincere apology first to your wife and family then to all the kids who idiolized you,the PGA tour and sports fans in general.
Ask for forgivness and announce when you will be back to the tour as a man who has learned a lot of humility.
Then go win 4 majors! Most of us will fogive over time even forget.
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- Tess - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:33 PM
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So Tiger, after all of your success, all your money, all your fame, it turns out that you are afraid to be that successful, rich and famous guy. You drew a beautiful picture and then you sabotaged it. You didn’t screw up in golf, because that is what you and your dad decided you would be the greatest. But somewhere, underneath all of that bravado, all of that talent, you really don’t think you deserve it. And so, you find a way to ruin your family and your private life. You are the king who hates to be king. You kidded yourself into believing that someone in the public eye so much could get away with cheating and texting and paying hush money. While we all blame the paparazzi for telling the story, you wrote the damn story. Now you can sit around and mope like a little kid, which i bet you didn’t get to do when you were a little kid. Your dad would probably kick your butt if he were alive, maybe not for cheating, but for ruining the image he helped manufacture. We have always thought that you were the complete human being…but now we know you have just been a caricature of the superhuman athlete. Now we know there is another side to you. Now maybe you can be a real person, struggling with the need to succeed but the desire to fail.
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- timmmaaayyy - Dec 17, 2009 at 2:39 PM
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tiger should play the first event of the year with a smoking hot chick caddying for him. he should let his PR people announce that he is getting divorced 15 minutes before he shows up and let all the jackazz reporters drool at the chick on the bag. f the world, tiger! get back and do what you do!
