Dec 17, 2009, 11:00 AM EST
The London Sun is saying today that Tiger Woods spends his days in seclusion in his Orlando home “watching cartoons and eating cereal.” But which cartoons? That’s the question. You call yourself the tabloid press, London Sun, and you can’t answer that? You might go with Huckleberry Hound, because let’s face it, that’s a hilarious mental picture — Tiger on the sofa in his jammies at 2 p.m., watching Huckleberry Hound and eating Lucky Charms. But I’m going to say The Roadrunner.
Because there is no better metaphor for this whole tale than Tiger looking up pitifully at a giant boulder about to fall on him, and then opening a tiny parasol.
Elin: “Meep, meep.”
From The Sun:
Tiger Woods is close to “cracking up” after spending days alone watching cartoons and eating cereal.
Close friends fear the golf superstar, 33, can’t cope in the wake of his sex scandal.
Woods is thought to be holed up in one of his two Florida homes and cannot even watch his favourite sports channel — as it carries regular updates on his romps with up to 11 lovers.
A source said: “There is a real concern among his friends that he is dealing with the situation in a very unhealthy way.”
We assume they mean SportsCenter, and I’d imagine that’s not the only channel he’s avoiding. Tiger, in fact, is pretty much limited to The Cartoon Channel and Iron Chef, if he wants to avoid his scandal news.
Meanwhile, Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle postulates that, instead of ruining Tiger, the scandal could make him 10 times bigger. In addition to coining the term “golfing Elvis,” Ostler quotes longtime PR man Lee Householder, who says :
“This could be unbelievable for golf. If Tiger gets divorced and starts dating, look out. It was one thing for people to watch golf to see Tiger’s skill. Now he could take golf to the rock ‘n’ roll level.”
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