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The Tiger Woods text messages: 'Quiet and secretively we will always be together'

Dec 10, 2009, 11:00 AM EDT

The New York Post has obtained what it says are text messages between Tiger Woods and alleged mistress Jaimee Grubbs (she’s No. 2 in your program), and while we may never know if they’re authentic, scrolling through them does prove a couple of things.
1. Reading other people’s text messages is excruciating, even when the people are famous.
2. Give us some news we can use, Tiger. Stock tips. Ideas to improve our game. Instead we get: “You are wrong: I’m bone thugs in harmony.” What the hell does that mean?
More texts following the jump.


Other excerpts:
Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together
Jaimee: if we hang out on a Sunday we can watch desperate houswives again haha (Sept. 30, 3:38 p.m.)
Tiger: oh god
Jaimee: take a break from watching boring old golf
Jaimee: I mean the amazing sport of golf ;)
Jaimee: [more than an hour later] babe I was kidding
Tiger: I know sexy
Jaimee: is it orange county time yet? (Oct. 1, 6:06 p.m.)
Tiger: oh stop :)
Jaimee: hahaha I know … but you canceled on me last time so the anticipation is killing me … im finding myself watching sports center … haha j/k it isn’t that bad
Tiger: its never been that bad
Jaimee: very true … I only watch football
Tiger: Figured you would say that. Big black guys.
Jaimee: u are my first, last and only black guy! U should feel special
Tiger: why do I not believe that?
Jaimee: I have fun with u, you always make me smile and I am not afraid to be myself or say anything to u … the day I met u I thought u were going to kick me out a few times but for someone reason you didn’t and u have told me numerous times I talk to much but slowly as I get to know u iI think your absolutely amazing
Tiger: you are wrong I’m bone thugs in harmon
Jaimee: Something wrong babe?I was excited to sepnd time with u this week (Oct. 15, 6:40 p.m.)
Tiger: I will you Sunda night. Its the only night in which I am totally free but I have to leave at 530 Monday morning to drive up to the valley for an outing for one of my sponsors. See you at 8 pm on Sunday in newport
Tiger: don’t text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to many people around me right now
Tiger: send me something very naughty (Oct. 18, 3:40 p.m.)
Jaimee: some things are worth waiting for lol … besides im at work
Tiger: go to the bathroom and take it
Jaimee: haha ur too much
Jaimee: are u leaving me cause your wife is still in newport :( I am lonely now … i like falling asleep in your arms (Oct. 18, 11:38 p.m.)
Tiger: sorry baby I just can’t sleep. Its just a problem I have.
Tiger: she is not here. They left this morning
Tiger: happy thanksgiving to you (Nov. 26, 11:16 a.m.)
Jaimee: u too love
NY Post commenters have already begun deconstructing the texts, some claiming that several of the messages look suspicious and cannot be real. There’s got to be an easy way to authenticate that stuff, right? Hope Tiger has the Verizon map, and not the AT&T one.
Of course if all of Tiger’s endorsement deals dry up, he could always assume the Luke Wilson role in those AT&T commercials, tossing postcards onto a map of the U.S. “I’ve had women in 97 percent of the country. Evansville Indiana, Gulfport Mississippi, Atlanta Georgia …”
Meanwhile, Grubbs apologized to Woods’ family for the affair during comments on the TV show Extra on Wednesday. (Video). She claims that she gradually ended the affair over remorse for his wife.
***
Text messages between Tiger Woods and Jaimee Grubbs [New York Post]

  1. Threat Level: Midnight - Dec 10, 2009 at 1:19 PM

    “im finding myself watching sports center … haha j/k it isn’t that bad”
    +1, Jaimee. Plus. Freaking. One.