Dec 2, 2009, 11:00 AM EDT
What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian. OK, actually Elin Nordegren is of Swedish descent, but you get the idea: That being Tiger Woods jokes are currently sweeping the nation. And unlike the joke tsunamis that always seem to hit after tragedies and natural disasters, this concerns illicit affairs and a car accident in which no one was seriously injured. In other words, potential comedy gold.
Following the jump are some freshly-minted Tiger jokes; a couple of them fairly hilarious. Some were authored by Out of Bounds commenters … feel free to add your own. Oh, and also, the Tiger Woods prop bets are in!
* Tiger’s new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.
* Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said “I don’t know exactly… but put me down for a 5.”
* Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
* Elin’s excuse? She had to play a bad lie.
* What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
* What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
* Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
* Why did Tiger leave the house so early? He has a 2:30 tree time.
* What do a Cadillac SUV and a Nike golf ball have in common? Tiger Woods can drive them both into the trees.
* Anyone done a haiku yet?
Tiger flees from wife
Water sprays from fire hydrant
Then tree falls victim.
* Elin’s new theme song from Jazmine Sullivan: I Bust the Windows out Your Car!!!
And here are your Tiger Woods prop bets, as seen on Bodog.com:
Will Tiger Woods publicly admit to having an affair by December 31st 2009?
(Hope you bet yes. This one appears to have been settled).
Will Tiger Woods and his wife separate before December 31st 2009?
Will Tiger Woods leave his wife for Rachel Uchitel by December 31st 2010?
(Tiger Woods must be separated or divorced from his wife then publicly admit to dating Rachel Uchitel for “Yes” to be graded as the winner)
Will Tiger Woods’ reported mistress Rachel Uchitel pose for Playboy by December 31st 2010?
Another woman emerges in Woods scandal [MSNBC]
Tiger Woods jokes headquarters [The Orlando Sentinel]
‘I regret those transgressions,’ Tiger says [NBCSports]
- So long folks, it’s time for me to take off 18
- Man wins full marathon while pushing his daughter in a baby stroller (video) 14
- Lock and load, it’s youth baseball fundraising time: league raffling off AR-15 rifle (video) 8
- Sim Bhullar is a large basketball player, and I mean it. Anybody want a peanut? 0
- What’s with kids and all these death-defying stunts? 674
- Nothing to see here…just a 70-yard field goal by a high-schooler (video) 3
- None found