Nov 19, 2009, 10:02 AM EDT
There once was a great man, an investigative reporter from Cleveland named Carl Monday. He will forever be known to me, and many of you I’m sure, as the reporter who uncovered the great Mike Cooper library masturbation story. It was in May of 2006 when Mr. Cooper, shamelessly wearing an Ohio State sweatshirt, was busted on camera by Mr. Monday for diddling himself in the public library. Like Batman, Carl Monday kept our cities safe from sports-attired wankers.
But then, Carl Monday switched to a different Cleveland TV station, which assigned him to “more substantive” stories. You can guess what happened next. Rampant library masturbation, of course. On Tuesday a man was arrested in Burlington, Ky., for masturbating while watching a wrestling video on a computer at a public library.
WCPO-9 TV has the details:
On Tuesday, Nov. 17, at approximately 7 p.m. a Boone County Sheriff’s Deputy Aaron Millson witnessed Lester Henry masturbating at the Main Branch of the Boone County Library located at 1786 Burlington Pike.
Henry, 58, of Erlanger, was arrested for 2nd degree indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.
Millson was there for unrelated activity when a library patron approached and told him what was going on.
Did it really need to be pointed out that Deputy Millson “was there for unrelated activity?” I certainly hope he was.
Anyway, as you can see, we need Carl Monday now more than ever. But the Wankermobile has been up on blocks for some two years now, and library diddlers rule the mean streets. It’s like Spider-Man 2, when Peter Parker quit being a super hero.
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